stay with me, this is what i need... please?

my eyes are tired and i wouldn't go as far as to say my heart is broken.. but is definitely tattered, and mangled with. as good as this year has been to me, i am very much sick of it and cant wait for the new year to roll in.

the only thing that i like about new years is the fact that it gives people a chance to "start fresh," but whether people actually do, is another topic in of itself. i dont necessarily need to start fresh, but i do need to get my shit together. My dreams recently have been haunted by school work, and future plans... i dont like to be an stressed wreck in my dreams as well.

i should probably list my resolutions. (sad to say, half of them will be repeats of years past... but whatevsss)

• lose weight, obviously
• eat healthier
  
• do crazy amazing in school
• dont skip classes
• print out lecture notes
• go to extra help, every week
• start studying from home
• stop biting my nails
• work on reducing stress and anxiety
• gain self-esteem and confidence
• stop getting jealous
  
• save my paychecks
• make time for those that matter
• start volunteering
• cut off anyone unnecessary
• become a hermit
• become anti-social
  
• be the EVE to someones WALL-E <3

i'll add more as i think of them.

thank you disney, i am in love with a robot now.

feets a hurtin

today's shift went by surprisingly really fast. i love working with Sorina.

i didnt do any laundry, or clean anything. Instead I hung out with my friend Paul. Played pool... well attempted to play... and had lunch at Kelseys. I saw Kevin Diaz in the kitchen. I ate a watermelon candy cane. Cute right.

new years. ugh.

go wild

currently rekindling my love for MTV2.

sitting in bed all day, watching mindless DICKHOUSE productions.
tomorrow is monday, and it will be dedicated to laundry, cleaning my room, and the bathroom, maybe organizing the living room if there is time.

grapefruit

anyway, i came home from work, tired as heck. feets are killing me... showered up, and am pretty much ready to go out to West50 with my main bitches. yes i said main bitches. I wanna get really waaaaaasted tonight, Ive been under too much stress these past few days... i really just need tonight. Whoadey. Thank god im not working tomorrow. If I dont have a hangover tomorrow morning, im gonna be pissed.

you know how i know you're gay?

Got the 40 Year Old Virgin & American Gangster DVDs for 10 dollars. Me and Ange ordered a shit load of wings, and are just mossin' around the house.

the stress comes in waves... i really don't know what to think or expect anymore. i am positively thinking, but whether or not that helps is a different story in itself. a few more ungodly days... and then things will be clearer, and from then on i can decide what else to do.

i saw the cutest baby at work today. so cute.

5 dollar shake

im starting to calm down, that's a good sign.
tobogganing is too gnarly. and totally exhausting.

now one of my fave scenes.

Ho Ho Ho

Happy Holidays Y'all!

btw: i love my family <3

i need to fuck you right now

just got in from shovelling snow. ugh. i fucking hate how all my neighbours are old, and my dad is too nice... meaning i shovel more than just one driveway. I know this is probably really bad to think... but i honestly cant wait till these people clock out, or until my dad gets some sense... so we dont have to spend over 2 hours lifting and pushing around snow. Ugh. when i grow up, i am only gonna be responsible for my own driveway thanks.

i logged onto livejournal to read one of my friends posts:
christmas present sex is the best sex
i fucking love this season

i just smiled, nodded, and continued surfing the web.

So tired. My mouth tastes gross, and i have 6 days.

an edit @ about 4ish pm

i am watching, never been kissed... and there are so many people in this movie.
"i never made it to my prom"
"really?"
"i only made it to the parking lot"

I am being haunted by memories. Your face in my head, kills me every time, your voice does 10 times more the damage. Fuck, i want you around all the time... but no, that would be too easy.

Oh Yeah, Merry Christmas Eve

you're so fucking sexy

just came home from my 1-9:30 shift at work.
- an old man waiting for his wife to finish trying on suits, cozied up to the counter to talk to me. We talked about bathing suits, and their ridiculous the prices are at work. He said that Wasaga Beach is a topless beach. We later determined that only a certain part of Wasaga Beach was bound to be a topless one. I later determined, i will go to that beach
- sorina and i are bipolar
- i spent a chunk of my shift today trying on bathing suits for myself.. I am getting 2 suits.
- grapefruit juice & chicken ceasar crepe & spinach and feta croissant
- i basically get paid for standing around
- i almost fell a bajillion times walking to my car
- the way i was parked, there was only snow on my windshield, plus sign
- home
- my dad is the best cook ever
- >10 minute gourmet meal
- i am exhausted

that shit gets me off

last nights shift at the village, basically killed me. i came home, and pretty much passed out at 11ish. my body was just all achy and exhausted, and basically melted into my bed as soon as it hit the mattress.

i changed the alarm on my blackberry to 9:50 am. I work today at 1, but am gna leave my house at like 12:15 or something, cuz parking at sherway is gonna be a bitch and a half... i wont be surprised if i dont find anything for 20 minutes. fucking shit.

my cousin made a comment, on how open our blogs are to the public. but whatever, theres no sense in compromising what you want to say. Anyway, I really want to throw down. After the major holidays i suppose.

i have an hour break today, i have no idea what im gonna do for it though. im gonna get a grapefruit juice, and just walk around the mall. maybe, sleep in the backroom.


this shit gets me off. How alanis morrisette of you.

"your hair smells like sex... and you're in my bed half naked"

i am on call today, and quite frankly, i really hope they dont call me in at all today. I am not in the mood to do anything to be quite honest. i wish i could just lay around in bed all day. i kind of wanna go tobogganing today, but my sister is probably too lazy. Ugh, and i dont wanna go by myself. Dilemma's much eh? as much as try and not admit i listen to drake.. the Lykke Li remix with Drake is kind of cute... and kind of on repeat right now. It seems as if everyone is just 'now' catching onto the Lykke Li bandwagon. It happens.

My hair is kind of long enough for it to be held in a pony tail. Woo exciting.

i keep forgetting to turn off my alarm on my blackberry. It goes off at 6:50 am. i probably will forget about it tonight too.

sometimes i just lay in my bed, and let random memories flow through my head. No memory is discriminated. although there are the times one slips in, and i desperately try and force it out. Then there are the ones that come through, and send my body into shock... those ones are the best, and the ones i cycle more often than thrice. it's crazy how a memory can make you feel the exact same way you felt when it first happened.

Drinks this week with the loves of my life.

im kind of scared. but kind of not. i am psyching myself out right now... and my body is reacting in response to that. i always give in, and make the same mistake. Ugh. A few more days.

a time for giving

x says: (12:20:12 AM)
best cd
x says: (12:20:14 AM)
best movie
x says: (12:20:15 AM)
best sex
x says: (12:20:18 AM)
best friend <3

too much

like always i have too many things to do, and limited amount of time to do them. i already have my gift shopping planned, but i need to get a couple more things, and then i'll be set. i need to get in touch with calvin, and i know he seldom reads this, but if he by some twist of fate he does read it... cal, msg me. i need to know if i can give you your gift tomorrow afternoon (or like monday morning), because i think the gift wont be of any use after the 26th.

anyway i have work at 2, but im gonna go a bit early so i can actually find parking, and go shopping too.

gaaaaah!!!

mussels vs muscles

i woke up this morning with the residue of alcohol in my mouth, and a slight ting of a headache.
this sunday i have to finish my christmas shopping.. well start and finish. it is retarded.
i love limes. it is so ugly outside, and the wind is getting fucking vile. Since my bedroom is in the little alleyway between two houses.. the wind is howling even worse.

i rearranged my room last night. there is so much more space now, and i feel a change in energy.

im hungry but my bed is too comfy, and i dont wanna move.

edit edit. point form recollection of the night

• exam <1>
• bus ride alone to LCBO
• two bottles of wine
• old man at the register... didnt ask for id. weird, i thought i looked 12
• crossed the street to wait for the bus
• the wait was less than 5 minutes.
• took the 1w home... it wasnt full
• the brown paper LCBO bags peeking through my purse, caused a few to people to turn their heads. apparently they think i am an alcoholic.
• walked home, up the hill, in the snow.
• uggs dont have much traction
• saw animal footprints in my backyard
• home
• got domestic and made bacon and eggs
• watched mean girls, mulan, 40 year old virgin and just lounged in my bed
• cleaned my room
• more online tv
• rest
• danceparty
• mom and sister come home
• fight
• shower
• head out
• my mom hit a curb, like a dumbass
• makeshift easy bake oven set ups
• mussels and butter, evolved to mussels limes and butter, evolved to mussels limes, salt, pepper and butter
• gift exchanges: killers tickets, sweaters, gift cards and britney spears cd. thanks so much boys, love you lots! xoxo gossip girl... kidding xoxo carla.
• reminder, do all xmas shopping sunday.
• talks about questionable oral sex performance
  
• one bottle of wine + a cooler + and a beer = a sleepy carla, not a hungover one
• sleeping, to waking up spooning with shawn, haha oh god.
  
• facebook status tag
• the dark
• home
• phone with sica
• superbad
• sleep
  

fin

mother fucking done.
me and strawberry wine, hells yeah baby.
see you in the new year

lol so more people from canada are catching onto this tecktonik thing... and i always feel the urge to mention that i've know about it from before... this is not gonna be one of those posts... since i am already fucking cool.

anyway i got my shift covered for tomorrow!!! woo to drinking at 11am :)

blue and yellow

i hate how i can't fight this feeling. how every time i try and do something, my mind wanders to a place it hates to be. my chest gets achy, and i find it harder to breathe. my chest fills up with anger and rage, and i need to take a few deep breaths and force the view from my mind. what bugs me the most, is why now, of all times do i care? i know better not to care, and i keep telling myself that... but i dont know if this is some physiological/mental/emotional response. I am being rational, and this still makes no sense. It's frustrating when i know that the only reason im feeling like this, is because i am taking words that were said to me, replaying them in my head, and creating up story lines... and its pathetic. Of all people, why me. this is embarrassing.

anyway... i am bored and lonely. the house is quiet. i like that.


rather waste some time with you

mafia hypothesis

ecology... check.

after my exam today, i came home and crashed. i watched the same office episode about 5 times, and slept through it each time, only to wake up and play it again. at about 230 i went out to lunch with my parents and sister, then came back home, to sleep. I am in no mood to start studying for molecular biology. at this point i really dont care... but the anxiety in my chest begs to differ. I dont mean to use this as an excuse or anything, but have a family thing to attend to tonight, and i think that should be given more priority than studying. I know i'll bring my notes with me, but i dont know if i will even get anything accomplished. probably not.

we're picking out kris kringles tonight, and will be doing some serious prayer for my lolo's fortieth day. i am still finding someone to take my shift on thursday, since the girl who said she would take my shift just realized that she was already working that day... what a fail. Ugh. i called in to see who else was working, and im working with my manager. Im thinking she's gonna try and train me how to close the cash, so that i can close alone. yeah yeah i am awesome i know. whatever im gna drink before and after my shift. i don't care. then pass out, and wake up, and sober up for my 2 oclock shift the next day. 2 more days, and then hell is over. wooooo : )

leaving on a 730 train, on my way to hollywood

i am itching for thursday to come. after my 8am-10am exam, i will bus myself to LCBO, buy a big bottle of wild vines, probably the strawberry kind and go either home or to calvins place and drink it. Fall asleep and then go to work (NTS try and get thursday shift covered). i really wanna get trashed/wasted/hammered... and just sleep in a big hoodie and yogies... nothing too crazy. Cal is having a little get together at his place for christmas.

i just sent some text messages, got my thursday shift covered! woo now i can focus on drinking my eyes out, and getting sober before my friday shift at 2.

woo wild vines. i probably wont eat, so it should be an interesting night.

i checked the hours of operation for LCBO, and they open at nine, sooo they will for sure be open when i am done my exam. Honestly, im gonna drink that whole bottle by myself and call it a night. maybe i'll get two bottles, one strawberry and one raspberry. just to switch it up a bit. you know? wild vines just reminds me of my birthday, where i basically drank a whole bottle, and felt really cute.



songs like this, just make me wanna get down.

EDIT: LCBO wild vines promo - you get chocolate if you buy it :)

caffeine free

Like are you kidding me right now? I dont know why i am upset and pissed the fuck off... and I just googled sex addiction. I am too much of a guy, sometimes i am sure... definite even, that i think of sex more than guys do. It's kind of retarded.

I just woke up in a pool of my own drool, from trying to sleep off a sensation... gnarly right.

my mind has been traveling to very dark places more often recently. It's kind of scary, but exhilarating. ive been wanting to do some fucked up impulsive and irrational things, but common sense and conscience kick in last minute. It's kind of freaky, kind of awesome.

NTS: hold back.

This entry is surprisingly open, ehh... what can you do : )

critical

i just had a serious anxiety spurt. my mind has been racing to and fro, and i am getting exhausted of thinking. i'm feeling really vulnerable, definitely short sticked. my emotions are all frazzled and shot.

you are not like that. i refuse to believe you are like that. if i ever find... you are like that... i will be heartbroken and probably beyond any repair.

self-destruct? sounds pretty good.

Rocked that SPSS assignment. Y'digg (ew)

QOTD: I am the modern king... a woman!

SPSS

the logic of social inquiry... check

chiral molecules

organic... done.

beat started

my room is so cold, i am in a journey tee and shorts. i slept with 4 additional people in my room last night. Im surprised i slept at all. My tita said, she thought i was dead, because i looked frozen when i slept. I told her, it usually happens when i sleep with other people. I dont like to bother other people sleeping, so i stiffen up, and stay in one spot. I woke up to marvin's cute face, and to my body hanging over the left side of my bed, my face in a puddle of drool, and a clip in my hair, trying to hold onto any hair it could. Still, surprisingly it was a peaceful sleep.

my cousins just left... now the house is silent. perfect. i'm doing problems until 2:30 and then will be taking a shower. then i will be off.

on the radio

Waiting for my parents to come home, from this black party.
They have yet to arrive. they should be here soon.

i dont have much to say.



love this song <3
2004 was... 4... pushing 5 years ago.
Aint that a trip.

just like a circus

So i woke up at 7:40 am because i forgot to ask my dad for his credit card... so i had a mini anxiety attack. But it's okay, cuz i can use my moms. Then from 8 am till now, i was trying to get my internet to get connected. Another anxiety episode. It's cool, cuz its connected now. Why all this trouble? Because at 10 am... i'm going to internet war. Web fighting for Britney Spears Tickets. These are honestly tickets of a fucking lifetime. I dont care what tickets i get, i just need tickets. Seriously. This is gonna be retarded.

i will just about die when i get tickets. pray for me.

OMG OMG OMG I GOT BRITNEY SPEARS TICKETS... AHHH SET FOR LIFE




my new ringtone.

recession

i am finally feeling normal. actually, i have been feeling normal for a few days now. its a good feeling. due to current events that have transpired, i will be inactive for a while, just so i can catch up on school work, and focus on being awesome. its a hard job i can assure you.

i'm currently sitting on the fourth floor, and literally there is a guy sleeping face down on the floor in front of me. im not surprised. He probably had a long night. i on the other hand, passed out at a bit passed midnight, and slept for a good 8 or so hours. Andrea came into my room at about 7 i assume, to grab something, what it was? i wasnt too sure. I didnt check.

my room was so cold last night, i had to grab extra sheets from the linen closet. It helped. it's kind of gloomy outside, i like it like that. The parking lot is full as hell, a parallel to how busy this fucking library is. Ree-dick.

the guy sleeping on the floor just woke up. it was pretty epic. i am in need of a urination break, but i dont want to get up and walk the less than a minute walk to the washroom. dilemma much. im kind of hungry and want to go home.

yellow and black pills

i'm finally starting to feel normal again. the stress levels are still high, this time due to school work and upcoming events. SUPER STOKED... because something just happened. BOOYAH.

anyway tomorrow i have a 7 hour break. so i will either go home and sleep and study. or stay in school and study. either or.

fluids

crrntly in the bsmnt of UTM, doing some notes and listening to some the go! team.

hrm.. i dont wanna stay here too late. i should get reading. i will update this when i get the time.

twenty-six

im being haunted by things you are saying.
this is retarded.
i dont want her in my mind at all... dont put her in my mind.

BBL.

cranberry

i have a doctors appt on friday.
im kind of scared... i hate doctors offices. they always make me feel like something is wrong with me, and that i am going to die. i have to ask like 3 different things, and my mind is racing right now.

my mom is coming on back on thursday night. im kind of excited. i cant wait to see her and the rest of my family. Mississauga is a bit too quiet without them here.

ugh i dont wanna go to school today. i have a serious assignment due in a hot second.

irregardless, im starting to like that neyo song - miss independent.

yeah i know, im always delayed on the black mainstream music stuff. shut up.

late night celine

on nights i go to bed early, it totally kicks me in the ass and makes we wake up a few hours later with some intense anxiety.

now im kind of just up to pass the time, waiting for the next sleep wave to hit.

today is tuesday, i like tuesdays.

the zephyr song

last night was intense.
i passed the fuck out at 9, like i was in grade 2 or something.
it was retarded. i woke up at about 1 am because of my dad yelling on the phone to my mom, who is like half way across the world in a different country. i think i called calvin, but i am too tired to recall.

i am up, and its about 8 am now. my dad came into my room with a wad of cash, telling me to eat at mcdonalds with my sister, and then to go and buy some jasmine rice. i think i'm going to be in the basement all day today folding laundry. i put a load in, before i went to bed.

i had the most retarded dream last night. i was at this sketch hotel with this guy who was telling me how he cant have sex because of the failing economy. i saw a stand up comedy set. then i was at school, driving people home, cussed people off. my school all of a sudden turned into a tropical climate, the the pub was like a little tiki lounge, and people were eating flavored banana chips. kieron was there telling me about his sauna. weird.

breathe in

blogging via my living room in nothing but one of my dad's tee's and some wet hair.

this week is finally over. thank god.
tonight will be dedicated to me.
i have already taken a long hot shower, and am currently in the process of doing some extensive overdue laundry.

tomorrow i work at 1-5. with my baby sorina : )

anyway, im smelling pretty fly. gotta do some laundry. ttyl.

bffs

Can you answer 40 questions about just 1 person ?
Don’t change the friend half way through .


1) What’s their name?
calvin

2) Does he or she have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
no, cuz he's a loser.

3) Do you get along with this person all the time?
we bicker, but thats just us

4) How old is the person?
19 and a bit

5) Has he/she ever cooked for you?
no, i wouldnt trust anything he cooks

6) Is this person older than you?
by like a month

7) Have you ever kissed this person?
yes

8) Are you related to this person?
nope

12) How many times do you talk to this person in a week?
a lot, like a lot, a lot. everyday a lot.

13) Do you think they will repost this?
probably not... maybe he'll do it mentally.

14) Could you live with this person?
yeah totally

15) Why is this person your number 1?
cuz he's sick

16) How long have you known this person?
8 years

18) Have you ever had a sleepover with this person?
not an overnight one

19) If you ever moved away would you miss this person?
obviously

20) Have you ever done something really stupid or illegal with this person?
it depends how you define stupid or illegal

21) Do you know everything about this person?
nope.

22) Would you date this person’s siblings?
i havent seen his siblings, but maybe if they were hot.

23) Have you ever made something with this person?
im sure we've made something before.

25) Is your he/she on drugs?
tobacco

26) Have you ever worn this person’s clothes?
yzirrrr

27) Does this person wear your clothes?
just my sunnies

28) If it was “freaky friday” would you switch bodies with this person?
pft no

29) Have you ever heard this person sing?
yes, and dance... unfortunately

30) Do you and this person have a saying?
not really. just random words?

31) Do you know this persons facebook password?
he told me it once, but i have since forgot

32) Have you and this person ever gotten into a fight that lasted more than 2 days?
i didnt speak to him for 5 weeks, and it was as if we werent friends.

33.) Have you and this person gone clubbing?
omg no.

35) Do you and this person talk a lot?
yeeeap

36) Do you like this person?
obviously

37) Has this person yelled at you?
yeah, but not seriously

38) Have you and this person got into a fist fight?
pussy cat fights

39) Do you want to go out with this person?
like on the town? sure.

40) Do you want to be friends with them forever?
totally.

you're a dirty girl

so i was looking on facebook, and came across a photo album. The girl in is... well yeah my friend, but damn is she greasy. I really wanna wash, cut and style her hair. Take her for a good skin treatment, and tell her to blot her face with some clean and clear (and under control) oil removing strips. shes just, as onch would say, just filth!

moral, girls take showers, and dont look trashy.

i feel like such a fatty *hand gesture* everyone around me is like working out and getting sexy. it makes me feel like i should work out too, so i can be all hawt and slutty (not greasy and trashy). i wish i could work out and like it, i hate working out. its so lame.

i am currently studying organic and i am kind of getting it. well the lecture notes at least. im gonna start the problem set at 12:30 or 1.

im meeting up with my baybay karimmmmmmsta, we're gna go get coffee. it should be fun. sigh* organic chem.

damn girl, dont hurt 'em

i miss my momma, she wont be back for another week :(
its retarded man, half my family is like on the other side of the planet.
it is definitely a trip. i miss marvin and marjorie. im way envious of them enjoying the hot weather while im here in the cold.

my hair has been really static-y recently. i googled how to untangle it... but nothing i can do really while im at school.

jealousy is one of the worst feelings. always makes me feel sick.
im such an egotist, its retarded.

my room is still a mess... and i need to do stuff this weekend or i will die.

this is the product of finishing lecture notes

this is my gorgeous friend shawn. LOL

im a soldier

i always get in trouble at this library. the security guards and administrative people always find me. :(

caroline just went on msn to tell me, my music was too loud. wtffffff. this library is out to get me. honestly... 1st floor is serious.

justin timberlake x tiesto x dna replication

so last night consisted of a lot of driving.
today will consist of a lot of driving.
i hope there is still cake when i get home.
theres a box of pizza, with one slice left in the box in my room.
i found the missing wrapper this morning, hopefully my dad doesnt go through my garbage.

THERE IS NO CAKE.

right now

my momma just called from asia!

eww now its time to go to work :(

yeah thats right, i said it twice

it's been a while, since ive seen you last.
sadly, it was the last time.
you officially just died.
im crying on the inside.
i'm no longer fine.

hi stranger.

editing needed

way to be a friend. clearly you are the best.
i feel sick.

vanity insanity

thanks for pretty much ditching me. asshole.

honestly... i've been writing this entry for about 20 minutes now. i wrote a good couple of lines, but erased them because they don't do justice to what i wanna say.

i've come to the conclusion i dont wanna write about you anymore.


you dont mean nothing at all to me


you dont mean nothing at all to me

just add water

its 4 am, and im writing up a lab... and im listening to TI.
my emotions are fucked, and im doing things i probably should do a little thinking about first.
ive been craving water, maybe im still dehydrated from west50 party. i had no clothes on a while ago, but i put on calvins sweater that i borrowed just to run downstairs and grab a bottle of water. so now im sitting here, listening to justice, drinking water, in calvins sweater... doing my lab and blogging... at 4am. calvins sweater smells pretty good. def smells like calvin. i probably look like a total loser sniffing the sleeves of this hoodie, but it smells nice. some parts smell like his condo, other parts his shower gel or whatever cologne he was using. Okay its kind of creepy to write about that stuff, or to even think it to be honest... but im tired and i am bored, and am not excited to write this lab! eeeks.

my hair right now, is totally reminiscent of carla back in the day... like circa 1995. i am totally rocking the pebbles hair-do at the moment. its pretty epic. man, this week is gonna blow.

i will be back later.

hello blogger world.
i went to bed at 5:30ish am, and woke up at like 8:30. Its now 1:30pm, and i finished my lab about 10 minutes ago.
i must be on crack or something, because the sleepiness has not kicked in yet. well i lied, my body is kind of lagging, but that could be due to other things. im going out at two to go and cut trees. Im in leggings and flats... awesome right? Yep, i forgot, but i could really give a fuck... cuz i need at 2 percent. Holla.

I usually sleep in on tuesdays, but im going to wake up early and go to school and start my stats assignment. and read up on 206. school sucks sucks sucks sucks. theres a group of douchebag guys sitting around me... well standing, i wish they would all get shot in the head. They're pretty much talking about every g that walks past them. Earlier they were talking about some game on xbox with castles and money? i dont know. Yay they left. thank god. i have very little tolerance for lamos. esp when they come in packs.

Time for a youtube video.

sickest song to shower to.

baseball caps and sticks in the snow

there's just something about seeing a grown man break down and cry... that makes me want to stab myself in my chest.

Lo... i love you. I miss you already. I've been missing you.

how meredith grey of you

right now, my headache went away. my body is still slow, and my mouth tastes disgusting. hangovers... honestly.
water tastes so good right now, its retarded. i woke up this morning, fucked up. i woke up naked, but bad mornings always start off with me waking up naked. i threw up plenty, passed out on the bathroom floor, took a shower and barfed some more. my head was pulsing, throbbing almost. i took 2 tylenol, and barfed them out. passed out, and woke up fine. 9am-11:50am...the worst. i clearly drank a few drinks over my threshold... bad idea obvs. i should have just stuck to my girly drinks... tanking beers.. zaa.

im trying to do some of my lab before i go to the funeral home. ugh.

i just ate, and it feels good... but im scared im just going to barf it all out.

i really want bubble tea.

I'm anticipating some serious crying tonight.

if for you i keep my legs apart

this song is really doing it at the moment. the autoerotique remix is what i have pumping on my itunes at the moment, but i cant decide which one is better.

my emotions are scattered all over the place at the moment.

i tear up at everything around me now.

gaaaah.

staring out into space

the rollercoaster that is my life, i swear.
too many sharp turns, loops, and steep drops.

X: Hey how's your grandpa?
Carla: He's good.

"i've been to too many funerals"

Irony... are you kidding me.

i hate opening my mouth and talking about when something is killing me inside... it just makes it hurt even more.
it makes it real.
This day is fucked.
Im never going to forget driving, parking at goetz, or walking into the ER.
It feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, thrown onto the floor and stomped on repeatedly.
i hate hearing the sound of my cousins crying... it burns, stings, and erodes at my very existence.
my eyes are swollen, and are burning. i am all cried out, and exhausted.

Lo, I Love You. and I'll Be Seeing You.
Take Care, and say hi to Inang for me.

"oh i'm probably just gonna go to the library"

i hate when people do that. when they get all passive aggressive, and you CLEARLY know that there's a problem. i don't get why people can't be a little more up front when it comes to things. I fucking hate girls. All that beating around the bush does, is get you dizzy.

Disclaimer: I am not a Barack Obama Hater. If i were american, I would vote for him.

In other news, Obama won the US presidential election last night. It was pretty much a given. I am very indifferent to politics, especially since i pretty much have no clue about any of it. I realize that whatever decision the states makes, will affect Canada... but damn, it's kind of funny to see how many canadians i see supporting obama, who i am pretty sure didnt give a fuck about the canadian election a few weeks ago. facebook and msn are flooded with obama oriented statuses, and screen names... its ridic. I'm happy for the dude, whatevs, but all these canadian obama fans on my msn list and fb... im pretty sure have no clue about any political aspect, other than the fact Obama is a democrat, and so happens to be black... oh and that about every hipster celebrity with a coke problem, lesbian/gay lifestyle, weapon charges, support him. So tell me, why did you vote for barack obama?

in all honestly, if i could have voted last night, I would have voted for Obama. My reasoning? To be honest, it would be heavily media influenced. How can i not vote for someone Lindsay Lohan blogs about? That and the fact that Republicans in the white house (as of recent) are just fucking up... McCain is Bush 2.0 (well 3.0 if you include the first Bush)... is pretty much reason enough. We need to pull out of this war... that no one has a clue why we are even still fighting. Oh and because my dad is a republican (in theory), sooo i would vote democrat. Oh and because Barack Obama is black, so thats like 2 more points, and lastly, cuz he's apparently bringing change.... Im not really sure if hope is even worth anything now, cuz man kind is fucked... but he we can give it a shot right?

Not to be a pessimist or anything, but just because obama won, doesnt mean shit. The world isn't going to change miraculously. What comes next is gonna be crazy and hectic. Lots of people are gonna be disoriented and confused, really happy or amazingly pissed the fuck off. It's gonna get worse before it gets better. When it comes to this massive surgery that the US of A is about to undergo... no doubt, will somewhere in the middle look like a murder scene... but with fingers crossed will you end up with a fully recovered and healed country. Or you get paralyzed. or you die. Just tune it everyday for the latest updates. Brightside: now people have hope in their country again, and that has to count for something. regardless of my pov on the whole hypocrisy of the canadian perspective of american politics... i'm happy that now americans can finally have some faith in the institution that has failed them for so many years. Change isn't a given, its a goal

Please try your best to interpret the sarcasm... i know, my sarcasm is amazing.


I probably sound like the biggest hippo right now... but in any case, congrats Barack Obama.

would you fuck me?

the first movie scared the shit out of me, and the second one is one of my favorite movies to watch. but both these scenes kill me.



haha and for andrea. do you recognize who the girl in the well is? LOL

just a taste

a wild night? i wish every night was like halloween on church street

andrea is such a biter

i found this first. NOT andrea, she doesnt know anything cool
and frankly she's an idiot for smoking up.

the big bang

last night was amazing. ugh, i cant even put into words how much fun i had last night... and the fact that everyone else had such a blast made it even better.
woke up this morning with no hangover, which is an accomplishment in itself.
i love the LGBT community <3

perhaps pictures in a bit.

happy halloween

i can't believe october is almost over. it came and left so fast. like a lover you want over and over again, but you're lucky to see once a year. i fucking love october.

this morning was a good morning. it is really really gorgeous outside today i love it. i had a really nice nap followed by a sick shower in the afternoon. a perfect way to send out october.

my mind is kind of all over the place today.
i went to bed really early last night, because i was tired (of what? no idea)... but then i woke up reaaaaal early to the taste of anxiety. Hm...

anyway, this has been day two, that i have been out of my home without a real bra. I either wear that gold bandeau thing, or the triangle top underneath my clothes. Hey, as long as im not busting out, im cool with it.

where is your thinking spot?
mine is on the bus, in my bed, and in the shower.
today when i was riding the bus, i came to the conclusion that i am a very greedy, possessive person. i dont like sharing at all.
then when i got into the shower i thought that, i am a very jealous person, and that i throw out attachments and yank them back like yoyos
then i got into my bed, and thought that... i love really hard.
thats a lot of thinking.

running on empty

that is all for now

nude suits

sao paulo

i really want to go to brasil.
i remember talking to this guy who used to tell me, i could go to brasil with him to go and visit his mom, who lived there. even though i knew that was never gonna happen, i always thought how it would be so sick to go. for my cousin alex, who is fluent in like a bajillion languages, one of them being portuguese, was suggesting that we all go for the world cup in 2014. if i had the time, and funds... so down.

anyway, im in a towel listening to this song.

good shiiiiit

never been fucked in the game, i'm celibate

as much as i wanna sleep this week, i dont think i will. tuesday night, im gonna have to go through hibernation or something, to prep for the next few days to come. Nineteenth birthday week... is gonna be intense. i have so many things to do still, omg im gonna die. i really have no idea why i am blogging right now, no wait, its cuz i dont wanna study or do my assignment. 

anyway im turning nineteen this week, and i wish i could never turn nineteen. i wanna stay 18, well 17 forever. 

• Wednesday October 29th - Cupcakes and Justice @ Circa
• Thursday October 30th - UTM Halloween Pub
• Friday October 31st - Gay Club on Church Street
• Saturday and Sunday November 1st and 2nd - K.O

Just a random thought, but the only black guys i'd ever sleep with... would be LL, TI, and Chris Brown. Yep that is all... Oh maybe that guy Quddus from MTV.

this song makes me feel like such a thug whenever i listen to it. its kind of funny.

these chicks is dangerous. You need a girl that's A-List, not one that just barely made it on a list.

babygirl

everything in cycles. thats what i always say, thats what i always notice, thats what i always stand by. 

its kind of insane how dependent i am on my blackberry... omg i love it. :)

i would like to thank my friend Sorina for being such a big sister to me, and offering me the best advice ever in life. 

these posts are so lame these days. i wish there was some drama or something to write about... actually i take that back. knowing my luck... that drama would be baaaad, like real bad. i cant wait for this week to be done.

n***as aint shit

im gonna shower, and come back here, and think about things i need to do.

be right back.

dear you

... you know what? i'll just tell you myself.

the backup plan

never will i ever do that again...

to do list

• bio205
• bio206
• make a doctors appt
• catch up on readings
• more stuff

don't speak (cuz your mind is amazing)

i'm up really early today. that usually happens when i am stressed. i get up, and kind of just walk bath and forth from the bathroom... then i sit in my room with no lights on, and stare at myself in the mirror for a good few minutes. i have work today, and very minimal time to study. I'm up right now to read... but i doubt that's gonna happen.

i should also factor in that i slept pretty early last night. i got into bed and kind of just clocked out.. at what time i dont know. All i remember is my dad checking my room, and switching off the light (it was pretty cute haha).

so i told my two of my bestfriends the deal. It wasnt exactly the best reaction (a memorable one though)... but then again, i don't really know what kind of response or reaction i was expecting. to be fair if i were them, i wouldn't know what to say either... and i'd probably make some jokes and be inappropriate or something. it's all gravy, i dont really mind. They know now, and that's all i really care for.

i turn nineteen in a few days, its so disgusting.

fresh

so my plug in febreeze thing ceases to work. BUT i did find the spray bottle air freshener... and it smells like boys cologne.
the scent is called, "rocky springs & cool"

srsly. i think its awesome. well actually, to be honest, i used to hate the smell, cuz andrea used to spray it in her room.... but she like drenched her room with the smell. I think the smell is only nice, when you can only smell hints of it.
it reminds me of this shower gel, this guy i know used. that smell kind of turns me on not gonna lie.
boys who smell like faint cologne... turn me on. LOL

i remember when i used to be obsessed with any guy who wore the swiss army cologne. omgaaaaah, that shit was the best. i feel like a filthy teenager again or something, who likes to sniff boys. Haha, i remember being in high-school hugging jeffrey for a few good long seconds and then smelling him, cuz he always smelt either like laundry or cologne. Kieron also, yeah he smelt good too.

anywho, the smell is nice. kind of calming.

im off.

oh mawlma

so its me and my mom home right now. i went downstairs to ask her if she was leaving the house to meet up with my dad for a party, and she said "mamaya," translated to "later." I said, "oh okay." She asked me why i was so eager to know if she was leaving or not. simply i told her it was because me and andrea wanted to have a party. I later said, it was because i want to have an orgy. She darted her eyes at me, and said "with who?" I started laughing and asked my mom if she knew what an orgy was, and she said no. So i told her that an orgy was having sex with lots of people at the same time. She was all confused, and asked me how do people even do that. So i did some hip thrusting gestures, and some double hand movements... and me and my mom started cracking up. Gosh i love her.

andrea is in my room... and we're talking about gay things. my febreeze air effects thing is busted, cuz my mom put it on its side, so the oil kinda spilt out of it. Gaaaaaaaay. anywhoooo, i have stuff to do. byeeee :)

6:36 pm edit...
what i would give, to mess around with chris brown.

that last post

was trivial.
it didnt feel authentic, cuz it didnt come from my laptop. i dont know if that makes sense or not, but it does to me.
anyway, my bed is so comfy... i really missed it today for some reason. as if i dont brag about my bed all the time already, but it is such a good way to end the day. thanks ikea!

Today was totally a bad hair day... it was all frizzy and shit, really gross and all that jazz. I'm gonna wash it tonight, maybe blow dry it or something.

theres like a mini pile of trash at the side of my room, that i dont wanna clean up.. when my mom yells at me again, maybe i'll do something about it.

i've been on that old r&b/funk tip recently... the current song of the moment is:
Janet Jackson ft Blackstreet - I Get So Lonely Remix

def a hip rolling, finger snapping kind of song.

tra la la

blogging via the fourth floor... on calvin's computer. surrounded by guys no less. erm... sorry my entries have been lacking substance. Apparently Calvin reads my blog... it's kind of creepy. but whatevs right.

Calvin watches too much porn, and thinks hes a porn-star.... yeah, keyword is thinks.

we went to shoppers today and bought candy, vitamin water, febreeze, and other things. At the cash, the cashier lady gave us a dirty look, and so did the old filipino guy in line behind us. It was kind of awkward.

i think im going to have to start screening my blogs... just so no one gets offended... i probably wont though.

drained

currently exhausted. i cant keep my eyes open, and my body is shutting down. im struggling to type. my fingertips are heavy.
bio206 midterm on monday... i should study.

relations

check

sinning on sundays

my body is aching like crazy.
im thinking im heading down a shady path, but honestly, i could give a fuck. ha pun.

a vicious cycle

im tired, my battle scars are fading, and im kind of hungry.
i have way too much laundry to do, and about 2 hours to do it.
there's nothing really to blog about anymore other than i finished 4 midterms last week, hung out with thuy at the pub, saw an unexpected person at my school, hung out at calvins, did work, and got drunk.

hopefully this week isnt that eventful.

broken blood vessels

so its the am now. usually on saturday's... the ones where i go to bed at like 2am... i wake up at noonish or like 20 minutes before my shift at work. however last night there was some drinking going on... and i havent drank for a good couple of months.... so i went to bed at 2am, and woke up at 5am.. and then again at 8am. I'm not hungover or anything, but clearly it is eveident that there is still alcohol in my body. The taste in my mouth lingers... the souvenir of a good night i guess. no wait i have another souvenir too... but that was before the drinking started. Oh god.

anyway, i have to plan out what the hell i'm wearing to work. take a shower, massage my neck and do laundry.

wife swap!

lifeless yet feeling so alive.

i feel sick. ive been gagging almost every day now. maybe its a mental thing? i dont know.
anyway im at calvins with shawn... we're eating pizza and drinking... maybe i'll drunk blog later.

i dont usually like beyonce

but this song is doing it.

check the twist at the end!


i have a midterm in like an hour and a bit.... yikes!
fingers crossed y'all! : )

moonlight sonata

i am in love with that piece.
it lifts something off my chest, and helps me breath a bit better. i think its because the song isnt one that is overtly happy, sad even, which i why i like it. everything else on this beethoven compilation is a bit to happy for me. i like listening to the darker, sadder stuff.

heres a video of wilhelm kempff playing the sonata no. 14.
im sure you will agree, its sober tone is soothing and relaxing. watching this video makes me almost cry.

i will die if someone plays this for me.

on a lighter note:

the awkward squirming... dont mind it.

you you you

sometimes i wish you would show me the same enthusiasm you show other people.

i tried an italian soda today.
sooo good.

empty

there are no sheets on my bed. i slept in a sheetless, pillowcaseless bed last night. its an odd morning. i dont feel like myself at all.

last night i was drained. i have no idea why... well im lying, i know exactly why.

i was really sad last night, so i ate a lot... too much.

i dont think im gonna eat today.

i am anticipating a loss soon. i dont know why. but im already building up walls.

i am going soft, and its killing me.

im at home tonight
reading & crying & breathing.

i feel like shit.

rich girls

blogging via 1st floor, uhm floor? literally. i am sitting on the floor right now beside a window. there was a potato bug earlier on the floor, i kind of nicked it the other way. I'm here with my new homie Thuy. we had our little sex chat, and now she is writing up her results. oooh mgmt just came on. lovely. i love writing in the moment, just as the thoughts come out. no structure, doesnt always mean chaos. whether or not this makes sense... depends what state you're in.

shock me like an electric eel. baby girl, turn me on with your electric feel.

calvin and i (and possibly jefferson!) are hanging tonight. we're gna watch disturbia, he's gna eat, and we're probably gonna sleep. you know. i have no idea what were gna eat. maybe we'll just get pizza or something.

i wish i had a british accent. maybe i should take lessons and learn how to speak like them yeah? then i could be like maui and talk in and out of a brit accent.. well mauis is more Australian, but whatevs yeah?

anywho, i need to read, maybe i will load greys right now.

cheers.

i am a very jealous person.
territorial.
one of my downfalls.

okay, this is the perfect opportunity to be self destructive

mighty fucking scotland

i was supposed to say something but i forgot.
i have work in 20 minutes, well like 10... but i dont wanna go. errrrkzzzzZz.
anyway im gonna go to work, and then go to the library and read
and then go and die.

SKINS!

i have to remember to bring my second cup gift card to work. im going to buy a brownie and a chai tea.

i need to get my feelings sort out, and separate them from this handicapping state.

anyway i gotta jet! i got bikinis to sell

acid reflux

i really think i have an eating disorder... or a developing one?
Bulima really. I dont vomit though, so its non-purging. I just starve myself for over 20 hours at a time, and eat once.
The past few mornings, i always wake up feeling nauseous.
This morning i woke up and vomitted... nothing came out though.. just clear liquid. I'm thinking stomach acid? It burns my tongue.

but is it an eating disorder if i'm doing this unintentionally? i'm not starving myself to lose weight...there's just no time to eat.

whatever... once next week is over, i'll eat regularly... theres no time for eating right now.

fuck that nword

i think im developing an eating disorder.

i was feeling extremely sick this morning... i hunched over the toilet seat, trying to push out some vomit but it just wasnt happening. i couldnt even make it to the bus stop to go to my tops session... now im all showered and naked, sitting in my bed, on my laptop. i'm supposed to be meeting eve at square one at 12:30, wait wait... i just called eve, and we're going at 12. now i can get ready to go and shop : ) kkkk im gna be studying with calvin and shawn tonight. apparently we have a new name for the 3 of us, DP? apparently for double penetration.. it's more or less offensive... but what can i do right? lol anyway im going to go and have a dance party, and get dressed.

my american apparel boyfriend who goes to my school, is wearing the same hoodie as i am. does it mean its meant to be? LOL

let them eat cake!

blogging via utm fourth floor cubicles.
current obsession? well more like re dig up obsession. Queen.
I've been having dance parties in my room very often recently. there is more space now that my old desk is gone, and the new one is in place. The dance parties are the best when they are to older rock hits. I think the moves just come out more organic to songs like that. Today i had a freeze-dance party, with my sister and marvin, and the rest of my cousins. I wish i could have taped it and put it on youtube.. but rj was playing poker, and didnt wanna let me use the iSight camera. It was pretty rad, if i do say so myself.

I dont know what color to paint my room. can anyone suggest anything,
even though purple is clearly my fave color, i dont think i want a purple room. I'd rather have a different color room, and with everything inside it purple. Im thinking a bright orange, very citrus-y. or like a neon kind of turquoise even? Or a really dark grey. Flower stickers and printed curtains. Then i'll get new bedding, and a few more pillows, a new drawer, and remove my tv, and old dresser.

Essentially, all i want in my room is a bed, desk my squiggly mirror and a dresser... oh and a zebra portrait. When i get the zebra... I'm gna name him Earl. He will be my buddy f'lyfe.

anyway thats it for now... i got bio205 to worry about. BARF.

oh btw. Im kind of tired of people trying to be artsy farsty. keyword TRYING. why cant things just be a little more organic. you know, organic is more healthy.

blogging via my new desk, which i built... almost entirely by myself. My sister apparently "helped" What she mostly did was sit around and watched. this desk is the shizzle.

ughh, im gna have to cram a lot into tomorrow. Im going to go to the library right at 1, and stay there the whole day!

at work i was craving something major. and it was really ironic when my coworker was hungry, and was talking about food...and i quote:

"you know when you can imagine it? like you imagine what you want...it sucks"

oh yeah it does.

dont listen to aerosmith if you wanna keep celibate!

definitely not the 00's

we need more songs like these:



i love this video... even after a decade. I think if i were a stripper, i'd definitely dance to this song.
it's scary to think this video came out in effing '94.
This is definitely a song you dont wanna wear clothes too.

CYOA

can you please release me?

crntly bggng frm mttng plc
n vwls s th nw thng.

translation: currently blogging from meeting place
no vowels is the new thing.

im sitting here watching people, eat, talk, buy food. it's kind of annoying actually. id rather sit in silence.
i think it would be awesome, to sit in a room, and be able to mute everything going on. i realize its called going deaf, but i mean i'd like to be able to like switch it on and off. i think people say so much more when people dont say anything. sometimes saying nothing is your answer. being speechless is both a good and bad thing, but thats whats great about it.. right?

name a time you were speechless for a good reason?
when calvin said i was his bestfriend, outloud, to someone else (i died a little inside, shut up)

name a time you were speechless for a bad reason?
when people pass away

i could really go for a fruit cup right now. peaches and pears are the best. ooh very cherry is good too.

still thinking about what i should be for halloween! i am really excited, hopefully everything turns out :)
it's ridic how many people buy tim hortons everyday, the lines are soooo effing long. i'd hate to work at utm's tim hortons... i doubt i could take it. Knowing that at every o'clock, there would be a rush of people, would suck.

anyone who knows me knows that i listen to primarily mashups, and covers. its insane how many covers of one song i will have on my computer... no it isnt a waste of space i assure you. because regardless, its never too late for a GOOD cover.

choose your own adventure

i want to be free

i've been listening to a lot of older music recently.
staples really.
Freddie Mercury is, gorgeous.
its always good to have playlists where each song is on the total opposite of the spectrum than the last.

At work today, i tried on this floral bathing suit, that i've always liked, but never had the chance to try it on.
As soon, as I tried it on... i fell in love. I just tried the top on, i didnt try the bottoms.
But, regardless. I am in Love.

it might look a little old lady-ish. but i think its classy! i love that print.
i'm still trying to find what brand of bathing suit Blair Waldorf was wearing in the premier episode of GG season two.
That suit, would be so bomb.

i wanna go vintage shopping soon.
and pick up some tutus, captain hats, and cowboy boots.
anyone wanna tag along?

i'm already thinking about what i'm gonna be for halloween&mybday.
pirate? homage to clockwork orange? pochahontas? ballerina? sailor? sailor moon?!
nothing with wings, for sure.

im leaning towards the clockwork orange... or pochahontas!

stripes

my room is extremely cold i love it.
i am in a little pit of depression right now. lulls.
i have a feeling.

i really could go for some sushi.
i'm considering going pescetarian again.
i miss having some control.

i think i wanna go and do fake nails sometime.
my nail biten nails are cool, but it'd be nice to have them all glammed up.

if i could find someone who could do these, i would be SOLD!

i dont feel shiny anymore.
im dark and twisty.
i dont know anymore.

third floor mac lab

i think i am in love with this room. it has all mac pcs, and is the quietest place ever! looking to my left is a big window, and through that window, there are many many trees... its very peaceful in here. everything is like really white in here, its crazy. i forgot my earphones, but im listening to music anyway... just really really low, and no one around me seems to mind, so it's all gravy. I thought i had a bio206 quiz today, but i dont... so right now im just blogging, and rereading some of my lecture notes.

right now i am obsessed with the song "Monster Hospital" by metric. remixed obviously though. its on my myspace, if you wanted to have a listen.

today feels weird. i dont know what it is. just tired i guess?
speaking of sleep... i can only sleep when my room is like the coldest room in the house. i blare cold air from outside into my room. so when i wake up, i can feel the drastic temperature difference between whats under my sheets and whats outside of them. It sucks to get out of bed though, cuz then i get really cold.. but it is a good sleep.

theres something about the mystical melody of mgmt's electric feel, that is so addicting. it's definitely on my top 3 songs of 2008. i could listen to that song all day. i'm pretty sure i've kudos'd that song several times in this blog.

i really miss jeffrey and karim. speaking to them on msn isnt enough.
i hope they come home soon.. (karim is in mexico) so then i can hang with them, and it will be magical.
kind of like the mgmt video :)

its not over

i removed the song off my blog, 'cuz i thinks its too distracting. i like just coming to my blog, and reading it in silence... and not having to hear the blaring electro music i like.

i feel weak. i feel like im losing it, and the only way to compensate is to do something drastic. i hate getting into the modes where i'm so driven to do something, almost to the point where i am jaded beyond any type of reason. as soon as the mirage starts to fade, i am left hollow and empty. this low is worse than a hangover... its like a lull almost. right now, i am so not in touch with myself its scary. i want too many things. im so greedy.

im in need of hugs, and tea.

if i were to die, say tomorrow, i wouldnt want to be in anyones profile pictures with ugly ass print at the bottom, saying shit like... "god just gained an angel" or something lame like that. i find it so tacky. i like simple things. no dedication. just the smallest of things that let me know i was loved. maybe a person will keep one of my fave songs on repeat. or they smile when they see something that reminds me of them. that kind of stuff i would live for. if i were in someones profile picture, it would be one where i was making a silly face, or just look totally out of it.

i kind of wish i would die soon, not being suicidal or anything, just saying cuz living isnt doing it right now. plus itd be sick to be a ghost and creep on people right? lol

karma police

bitches aint shit, if i knew i was gna deal with some fatal attraction type shit, i would have blocked your ass waaaaaay long ago.
this is just me venting
you were a bad kisser
you cant play with girls properly
you aint that great looking
you aint that special
is it wrong to say you were just a sexual tension outlet? well if it is, im not apologizing for it.
you fucking immature cunt.... GROW A SET.
POINTBLANK X 4

lol i know this entry probably hints that i did some slutty things... but really, havent we all?

fuck censorship. im tired of being nice, and over-editing to try and not get someone offended.

WOW

its really pathetic how people can over react over something so small and trivial. It's kind of like, dude, you're twenty-something?... grow the fuck up. damn son, don't you feel shitty having an 18 year old girl tell you that? if you really feel like i am "fucking retarded," get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. Honestly, who knew something as small and trivial as DELETING SOMEONE OFF YOUR FACEBOOK, was means for an attack? If you're really getting upset because you are no longer on my friendslist, you need to check yourself, like how sad are you.. really now. Get off my dick you son of a bitch. And no im not sorry i sprained your vagina. This isnt highschool. 

ughhhhhhh

ugh, i feel like i learned nothing new.
i have a test monday, and i am working sunday 1-5 (not bad i know)
but then it is off to the library. No laptop. and i will force myself into quiet study.
and that will be all.

• read tutorials
• do old quizzes and test packages
• read lecture notes
• look at diagrams

its a groggy day in mississauga. the cool air venting through my window is laced with invisible droplets of water. not exactly humid, but nothing like a cold dry air. its kind of nice, especially being comfy underneath my ikea comforter. im watching the latest episode of project runway, and i think i will be studying from home today. if anything, ill go to the library when my momma comes home and brings me a car. :)

in more personal news... i am not pregnant! meaning, i got my period. (dont worry i dont have sex... virgin status heeeey) woo! anyone who knows me, knows that i get my period like once every blue moon (even that is rare), and this isnt even an understatement. but none the less i am extremely happy. woo.

so today in the van, driving home from lunch and errands my dad was trying to inform me about canadian politics. it was cute cuz it was like his version of the sex talk, trying to guide me through my first time of voting. (LOL). He wanted me to make an informed decision, and wanted me to understand who i vote for. 

dad: in one day you'll have a new visitor

carla: who?

dad: marvins lola.

carla: oh nice.  hope she brings bagaoong.

andrea: ew, thats nasty.

carla: oh whatever, when you get old all you're gna eat is white food.

andrea: yeah, so?

dad: you know white food, is so bad for you... it gives you sicknesses and problems. back home we dont eat that kind of food, and we dont get those sicknesses from eating all vegetables. people back home... die from old age.

andrea: and murder.

the joy of stats

hello there blogger world. i just... well a while ago, came home from work, and picking up my sister, and discovering what a pizza sub at subway tastes like. Work was really uneventful tonight, i went shopping on my shift for things for my cousins to be honest. I forgot to mention working LAST NIGHT, i met a family from FINLAND! omg it was so awesome to hear them speak, and to see their like... really really blonde, almost white even, haired children run around our store. Yeah, i just found it so cool, esp since i always wanted to visit Finland. 

man, i walked into coach today and i saw the cutest wallet, then i saw the cutest clutch, and then another cute wristlet. I should never walk into that store. I was really close to blowing off like 200 dollars. instead, i went to the new abercrombie and bought my cousins t-shirts. Boy does it reek in there. anyway i really need to save money. i need to pay my mom back for my glasses. pay my mom 80 bucks for splitting my titas coach purse... save money for clothes, and maybe even a yoga membership. ugh. anyway i should get to studying, i will chat with all of you soonage.

i have too many irrational fears.

like really irrational.

today some chick at work said i had really nice boobs. it was pretty special.

something about the waaaaay you look tonight. takes my breath awayyyy (8)

man hopefully sorina can take my shift tomorrow because i really dont wanna work. 

i kind of wanna go downtown and take those dance classes with raeshel! i just wanna give the shift up, so i can go downtown and kind of feel out what the commute is like, so i can figure out if i can keep working on fridays or whatever. i'm really considering quitting, just because thats hours i could be doing something... but in reality, i can kill 6 hours and do absolutely nothing. so whats another 3 hours? y'know? i dont know... we'll see. 

kids

im in the library right now, listening to some one person vs another person. i really feel like dancing. i got new specs and i still need to go and get them fitted, or tightened. whatever. i have class in like an hour. erm, just trying to do some reading is all. 

i never had the nerve to ask

CCT computer lab. its really loud here. i just came from south common's wal mart. i love wal-marts! i bought cue cards, pens, and i was about to buy a jonas brother poster. but i didnt. On the way to the cash, i picked up some sour patch kids. thats about it. Im hot and sweaty... i dont think im gna sleep alot tonight, i have a lot of reading to do.

• make amino acid cue cards, check
• read tomorrows tutorial for 206
• try and read soc221
• erm, go over organic notes.... eff mcmurry!
• DONT FORGET, I CAN RETURN BOOKS TOMORROW!

let's see if i can actually do those things.

anywaaays, im just gna lounge until my class starts. I didnt print out the notes, so im just gna have to pay attention.

woo billy talent on repeat!

i am tired as fuck, and am pushing my body to stay awake to read two chapters of basic social research. wish me luck!

sisterly advice

"omg did you just take some random guys boxers? and now you're gonna get pregnant because the semen his touching your vagina"

sharpies are for sniffing

i was planning to write something meaningful and heartfelt, but im too lazy to feel anything right now.

i was however browsing through my photobucket, and found this little number.

everyone was so young! gaaah. throwback pics are the best. i was thinner back then too :( lol, aw well. I love the way andrea is all strung out like a fag... i remember it was cuz she was being a lame and being all mad. Man i love my backyard in the summer.

macbooks and textbooks

its took me a good 3 hours to finally get settled in and do homework. I was writing down some notes for a good, lets say 10 minutes, and was doing pretty well if i do say so myself. I then had a little burst of inspiration and decided to write on this thing.

i'm in love with you. the kind of love that is overlooked, unmentioned, and everything opposite of obvious. how i can love someone with so much restraint boggles my mind. i would never have it any other way. if i were to say that there is never a day, where i dont dedicate a second of my life to you, i wouldn't be lying. You give me tunnel vision, as i am traveling towards the light... and always looking forward. In the smallest of gestures you make my heart stop, and sometimes the thought of you can bring me to tears and out of breath. by saying nothing, you say everything.

im always sorry in the morning

the to do list

• soc221 readings and notes
• org chem chapter 2&3 readings and notes
• reread essential cell biology, because i feel like nothing has stuck
• call places for volunteering

okay, sooo im gna read cell biology tomorrow
do organic on tuesday
soc's on wed and thurs

my posts will probably be more boring now since i am making school my life. Xavier and Gaspard are coming on my bday. I just might go.

betty boop

if you dont have a car and you're walking,

oh yes son i'm talkin to you.

if you live at home with your momma,

oh yes son i'm talkin to you.

if you have a shorty and you dont show love,

oh yes son, im talkin to you.

wanna get with me with no money?

oh no, i dont want no scrub.

to do list

soc221 readings

org chem read ch 3 & neumans

read 205 lab

you know i made it through

surprisingly i did work today.
i read and did notes for two of my sociology courses.
it was a good time

currently in the library. listening to justice. reading some biology. being cool. the (new) usual.

m&m

i started school today. and so far not a lot of anxiety. which is good right?

i moved in with calvin, and theres a little beanie baby wolf/husky thing living with us. i named him locker. His real name (as said on his tag) is nook. calvin wanted to rename him nook-a. guess why? yeah. lol.

anyway i have already, kind of started studying. 

i had a serious headache today which ended up in me barfing.

i need glasses.

theres creepy music coming from my neighborhood. i cant locate it, but ive been hearing it from outside my window for about 2 days now. 

my room is a mess and needs a serious clean up.

i had the wildest dream last night. heidi, spencer, beached killer whales on a beach that turned into a pool, buying sandwiches and souvlaki, fighting and cussing out people. 

i've been feeling all dark and twisty lately. i think my soul is halfway out of my body or something. 

journey baby!

i love journey with all my heart, and it aint no cheap trick.

i danced my ass off, and got a sweet shirt. im so happy.

i'm so proud of my dad. he has really bad anxiety attacks sometime, usually brought on by unfamiliar situations... i guess you could call it agoraphobia. I was really worried he would just spazz out and leave the building but surprisingly he sat through the whole thing. I always offered him a smile and let him hold my hand, it was cute. 

anyway my new guilty pleasure, is the song Whatever You Like by TI

i literally only listened to the song once (on sept 4th) and it was infectious. On the way home from maui's house, andrea found it on the radio and started singing it and dancing. Maybe it was the fact we were speeding and dancing, TI's voice, the lyrics, or the beat that made it good...either way, its on hella repeat.

times are a changing

i'm starting to inch towards changing how i feel about certain things. im getting less bitter, and for that i am thankful. i hated having that feeling in my chest, but now it is finally subsiding. the resins of bitterness still are residing in my chest however... but with every conscious breath i take... its starting to slowly go away.

in place of the bitterness are anti-social tendencies. aaaand i kind of love it. 

Journey is tonight!!!

a little bit longer

so i watch a lot of online television, and some days websites load faster than others. so sometimes i sit and wait for episodes to load, and when they load i am all excited. THEN i do the next dumb ass thing and click something, so i totally lose the whole 20 minutes of whatever tv show i loaded, and it isnt the worst thing in the world... buuuuuut it sucks a bit. anyway, thats what happened to me a few seconds ago, and im waiting for the episode to "re-load" now.

So, if you found out one morning that you had the next 24 hours to live, how would you spend the day?

• i'd spend the day with my closest family and friends
  
• rent a moonbounce
• go swimming
• go fishing
• paddle a rowboat
• eat all my fave foods and desserts
• take a nap
• have cocktails
• clean my room
• burn my diaries
• look at old photos
• take new photos
• hug everyone

i'd probably wanna do more, but that list looks like a pretty good day for me to die.

P.S i HATE talking to dumb ass ignorant people. who make stupid belittling comments. UGH. its a waste of emotion to get worked up over people who dont matter. (that might be a little ironic, but its out of anger i swear)

broccoli trees and carrot tops

i've been doing nothing but vegging around, and that's all i really plan to do for my last week of summer. I dont know if i mentioned this before but, i finally got a chance to watch Grey's Anatomy from beginning to end, instead of watching random strings of episodes and piecing things together, and then disappointed when i do find out what happened. I dont know what it is about NBC primetime television, but it always nows how to tug at my heartstrings... It is awesome.

anyway, i have a stack of tabloids in my living room, and i cant wait to go through all of them. BTW. i totally have a britney post breakdown body right now. it is disgusting. All floppy and gross and not hot. I'm gna try and pray for some workout motivation (on top of that homework/reading motivation i special ordered at the end of april) and do some work. 

it's insane how it is already september.

intention implementation

• clean room
• do laundry
• clean kitchen
• swiffer wet the floors
• fix up the living room
• vaccuum or something

edit!

i did all of these things, plus clean the bathrooms

take me on the floor

i dont know what it is about me, but mosquitos effing love me. this summer has been a pretty successful one, if i do say so myself. It has been very work induced with a several dosages of CJC, and time out. it's been pretty laid back and chill, nothing too hectic or crazy. Overall, just a good summer. 

i used ichat for the first time. it was pretty intense, not gonna lie. the screen was hella clear and smooth, not forgetting to mention how big the picture was. I the best thing about iChat, was who i got to iChat with. Mr. Jefferson Hutchinson himself. Like the lame kids we are, we tried out all the cute effects and stuff and it made for a good laugh. God i miss him. I know it's only been like 2 days since he left, but its just the fact that he's no longer a few minute drive away that is such a bummer. Seeing him on the screen does wonders, just to know he still exists and all. Yeah, I'm lame, but whatever. oh yeah, he showed me around his small room via the ichat tour. I also got a brief glimpse of his roommate (aka my future bff) Noah. Well, they both ditched me to go to a dance or something, i dont know. Moral of the story.. iChat is sick.

Labor day is in a few minutes, and labor of love is actually today, but running into tomorrow. Some guy showing at the LOL fest (LOL HAHAH) has something like an 8 hour set or something? Im not sure if it was an eight hour set, but im pretty sure it was a long as set, for a good amount of hours. The 'hot guy' from american apparel actually asked us what LOL was. it was pretty funny. He talks with a bit of a lisp... or he just talks funny. I dont know. 

Anyway, im watching a whole bunch of celine dion music videos. God how i love her. Oh yeah! last night i wrote about 3 pages of writing in my old notebook. it felt really good. I could go for a mcflurry right about now to be honest. Damn, Celine Dion is amazing.

i woke up at 5 am last night, to a sore body. 

my back is aching, and i have no idea why.

Ugh, this is really uncomfortable.

edit (3:26pm)

after several hours rolling around in my bed in agony, my back doesn't ache as much as it used to this morning. i tried doing some stretching, and had my sister punch me in the back (lol)... and that helped the pain go away for about 3 seconds. I decided to get some extra help, and eat some advil and pudding. That eased the pain waaaay more. anyway, i feel dead today. I dont know what it is... but i think the reality of school is finally starting to hit.

Im thinking i am going to go buy my textbooks text week during frosh, or the actual week of school. Hmmmm..

Oh, i made a sick ass grilled cheese sandwich today. The Texas Cut breads are yummy.

Grilled Cheese sandwich, pickles and tabasco : )  

new (mac)daddy

i am a lucky duck, i got a macbook!

im probably going to have to go to one of those learn how to use a mac workshops because im so used to pc. but yeah, that is my news for today.

that is all :)

x ----------------- x 

How could i forget to mention... i will be retiring my First Gen iPod Nano, Kingsley, and will be reintroducing my new iPod Touch Lennon. 

Kingsley had a good run. About over 1000 songs later, he still runs. Just a bit slow on the battery scene. Still good for the time, and less than an hour worth of music play. He owns a piece of my heart, as my first iPod :) i'll still be using him every now and then, most likely when Lennon isnt charged.. and when i'm working out i guess. 

Anywhoo, my new iPod is of the iPod Touch generation... 8G's, wifi, and all that good stuff. I named him lennon, because the box he came in, has a picture of john lennon on it. So it only was fitting.  i havent thought of a name for my macbook though. hmm...

sore feets

downtown with one of the loves of my life.
- visit our mutual love of our lives @ boathouse
- downtown
- shop
- shop
- eat
- shop
- walking
- inquiring about certain things
- aching feet
- home
- lasagna & orange juice

the febreeze air freshener in my room DOES WORK. whenever i walk into my room, it smells so good.

gone fishing

well if by fishing you mean downtown, and if by gone you mean soon to be leaving for.

what the eff, there are new episodes of a secret life of an american teenager? like THREE new episodes... when the heck did that happen? aww well, they are all posted on YouTube so i guess, I'll be doing that later tonight.

I dont know what its come to, when hanging out in jeffrey's driveway is the new in thing... but im not really that opposed to it. Although last night, i (again) got attacked by countless mosquitos... well my theory is, that one flew into my shirt, and got stuck.. so he went on a rampage, and went at me repeatedly (thats what she said).

anywhoo i have to shower, i will be back later :)

finally a day alone

WOO! i'm home alone. Both parents are at work, and my sister is at my cousins house. The house is all to me. Sadly enoughi probably wont be running around the house nakked or anything. I wouldnt be surprised if the only rooms in my house i use today are my room, the bathroom, and the kitchen. Come to think of it i might do some laundry today. Just knowing i dont have to answer to anyone for a few hours is a good feeling. Hopefully i dont get like attacked or anything, and regret being alone today. Maybe i'll call over some boys and have some unprotected sex! (LOL)

i wonder what i can eat today... I dont think i have eaten at home for like 3 days.

dont mind the shitty main picture... its temporary until i get my adobe running

straight to k

today was such a lame day. well i got 70 bucks in the morning for mowing the lawn, then i went to work for the shortest shift evaa. I did some window shopping and decided what i need to ask my parents for.

My mind keeps going back to one thing. I'm not too sure what that means, or if i have different motives. Maybe im trying to make myself want something. No idea.

too much silence.

i bought this sick ass febreeze air freshener for my room... it... is... awesome!

zaaaaaaaga

sometimes i set myself up to get told. sometimes (most of the time) i run my mouth, with no thinking of being held accountable for what i say. i am so used to talking smack, and not being interupted. TALK TALK TALK, HALT. today was different. ugh... it still burns in my chest. now i am locked up in my room, and i dont think i can talk to anyone else today.

its time to cool down.

im hooked on HBO comedy specials, and basically any stand up comedy routine

ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS

Like i mentioned in my livejournal, i remember watching this video when i was a little girl. I wikipedia'd the song, and it was released in 1994, so I was about 4 or 5 when i saw the video. It is so cliche to say this, but i was immediately fixated with this song and video as soon as i saw it. I cant help but laugh at how i would always watch this video in caution. I was always scared i would get in trouble for watching it. Regardless... id still find a way to watch it. Still too young back then to comprehend the song's true content about the double standards in society, there was something about the song that made me love it right off the bat. The r&b beat and the catchy lyrics... whats not to love?

Maybe it was the latex suits, whips, and men in submissive positions that made me like it. And i am pretty sure it is this song that is to blame for why i dont find any of that fetish stuff to be weird at all.... if anything, this video got me interested in all that fetish stuff.

Listening to all the lyrics in the song now... i feel that this song would have as much relevance now, as it did then. Being a woman and being sexually aware is still difficult to do, especially without scrutiny. Lame double standards. Damn, i love this song. Definitely my favorite by madonna.

holy fuck

over ten mosquito bites. west nile much?
i am never leaving the house again without off spray in my purse.

something about LA

i have a heavy head to go with my heavy heart. it turns out i didnt book the sunday off to go to buffalo because i didnt see it well... actually because the sunday was one of those split days. i called this morning and it was my fault. Lame. Im actually kind of relieved because i dont really have money to spend in buffalo. I am getting paid next week. so maybe that money will go towards something.

i dont really have a tell on my manager. she seems like she likes me, but shes always very shifty, which is kind of unsettling. she's a nice person dont get me wrong.. im just guessing its because she is a higher-up she kind of gives me a bit of anxiety, like constant evaluation. She's cool though, we're boys. I'm preeetty sure i wont be getting fired anytime soon, because i am awesome (obviously sarcasm). I do respect her however, because she is the kind of person who refrains from gossip of those who works in the store.. or anyone, which makes her a better woman than i.

hopefully things work out tonight. maybe i'll even have something to post!!!! *fingers crossed*

CONTINUED

Today was a downer sandwich with two slices of pretty rad. The morning started with me going to bed at 3 am, as it was a full moon, and one of the rare occasions I was talking to Calvin. I slept until maybe eleven. My body accommodated the later sleep time and allowed me to sleep for a few more hours than usual. I just saw some dude walk by with a pure text tattoo on his arm. Ew. Anyway, I woke up, and ate breakfast. Sica called and one of our many adventures began.
We were off to dominion, to exchange her coins for cash. A little jugs of coins came up to be 50 bucks. Well it was 49 bucks, but we added a few more coins to break 50. Being all risky and adventurous, we took the highway to Sherway Gardens.
We visted our counterpart named Caroline at her place of employment and tried on clothes for us to buy, and her to hook it up. The kids at American apparel look really old for their ages. Caroline went on break at two, and we all had some thai express. We talked and it was pretty cool, we bought our clothes and it was off we went.

My cousin was supposed to come with me downtown... but because she herself is a shitty planner, and apparently had time to go to effing bubble republic with her friend to eat, when she knew i wanted to go downtown... plans were cancelled. Sorry if that makes me look selfish, but my idol... my effing idol.. ugh i don’t wanna talk about it.

Anywhoo, my sister, is still a cunt. Because apparently it is my fault we couldn’t go downtown. I have never screamed that loud before in my life. Never. I honestly just snapped. It was seriously a Brooke moment from the real world. YouTube that and you’ll know what I mean. I then went to punch her door while she was in her room. that stupid cunt. I swear if she was in my sight I would have made her lose some teeth... see I’m never this mad. I decided to sleep off my anger. Too much adrenaline, luckily I dosed off. I woke up to a pillow of drool (sorry if thats gross, but hey its true). My phone started ringing, and it was my tita emmas number. I screened her calls both times. Didn’t feel like answering it, is all.

Sica saved my life, saying caroline still had a seminar to attend but we could still hang. We went to starbucks with our lappys, but we were too cheap to pay for internet. We voyaged to the mall. Wal-mart! Pencil crayons and cheap skimboard surfer things. I watched greys anatomy at jesses place, then I went home.

See what i mean by dower sandwich? (hint: the shitty part was in the middle)

I am still very angry. Very very angry. But i guess it’ll pass. There’s always next time.