new years resolution

• lose weight so i dont look like such a fucktard in a bathing suit if i go to hawaii in the summer
• go to yoga, boxing, actually go to the gym at school!
• get my tattoo... this is a conditional resolution, dependent on the first two resolutions
• do well in school !!!!!!!
• start volunteering!
  

i have had two very vivid dreams about you, two days in a row. how this is happening i cant say for sure. i dont think about you during the day, so it cannot be day residue. i dont know if this is a cosmic sign that something is about to happen. The pessimist in me, is telling the optimist in me to not get ahead of myself, and i do not think i will. if anything, it is probably just telling myself i still subconsciously miss you, because consciously you dont exist.

life without you is no longer hard. truthfully, with you gone, and other sons of bitches gone, life has actually been better. it flows better. i am no longer distracted by petty things that dont need my attention.

i have stopped looking for you. stopped worrying if you're okay. sometimes i catch myself remembering you were even in my life. so habituated to not having you there *shrug*

truthfully, i just blocked you out. its easy for me this way. it is not fair, i know, it's easy. i know you dont understand my actions, but please respect them.

i dont regret anything. i never did, never will. in some odd way, i still will stand by you if need be, but i doubt you will. you're too proud.

although you arent around, my dreams still bring you back to me.

gosh i love this show

i care about you. i care about you, and im not gonna go crazy, and im not gonna try and kill myself. and im not gonna stop caring about you, no matter how hard you push me away. i care about you, and i know you care about me too.

admit it, admit that you care about me too, i know you do... and i care about you, i care about you, i care about you, i care about you, i care about you, i...

you made an assumption, you decided i did something. you didnt ask. you didnt hang around to talk. i am your [bestfriend] and you didnt give me the benefit of the doubt. so you know what... i cant forgive you either.

I: i can say hail mary's, until i turn to mary, but i still miss you. not the sex, it was not tragic george, but ill live without it. i wont make it if you cant be my friend.

G: what you did today, you should be proud. i get an orderly to take you downstairs... i have to go. understand.

to that certain someone. no not you. the other one.

honestly, you can go fuck yourself. dumb ass bitch.

i cant keep checking up on you anymore. as much as id love to know what you're doing... if you're happy... i cant help but feel disturbed at the fact that you're happiness is non-related and independent of me.

you can break my heart in a few sentences.

sadly, it doesnt look like we'll ever be friends again. it will be too hard. too complicated. after all, ive seen you naked.

but ill wait for that call, or text message, when you can tolerate seeing my face without wanting to fuck it, or stab it.

secretly you miss me too. i know this for sure.

hey. what you need to realize is that i was hurt. you hurt me. you might not think you did. but you did. i hurt you. and im sorry.

i love you always, i'll meet you halfway

:) i know you're dying at how pretty ive become, and can be

i looked pretty last night.. well friday night :)

couldnt cry today because i was sitting in front of my dad, if he were to ask me what was wrong... i probably would have died.

just so you know. i kinnnnnnd of surely resent you. get the fuck out of here.

shots

kind of stoked for my bday.
calvin i hope you can come.

happy thanksgiving.

this year im thankful for my sanity, what little i have left.

this years thanksgiving, pretty bomb. close family, as always. food spread was soooo serious. classic set up. turkey, veggies, mashed taters, bread... stuffing, omg stuffing. usually turkey is dry, but this year... lemme just say... it was bomb as helllllll.... juicy, like biggie status almost. so good. uncles and aunts were stoked. it wasnt even the end of the night, till all that was left was a carcass in shambles. mom saved just enough turkey scraps for her "day after" turkey soup. ill be excited to eat that in a few hours.

after i have a mental breakdown, the silence that rings in my head is always a good opportunity to reflect. i'm going to get through this, things will turn out okay. things may be different, and unexpected... but things will turn out okay. i can do without. i can do.

i am such a bipolar pessimist-optimist

i have an issue with people doing things that they think will "protect me" because i dont want to hear/see it, when in reality all its doing is making you look really shifty.

fuck em.

so, i pushed you away and now i'm left with nothing. you pushed me back, but i deserved it. i wanted this. i wanted you to go away, but you havent. fact is, you're very much there, regardless of how much i just want you gone. if you dont leave, i will. thats what i say. that's what i am doing. im pushing everyone away, because they are affiliated with you.. and i WANTED to be rid of you. but this isnt working. you've tainted my life. my life and my mind. im pushing forward with my hands tied behind my back, and eyes closed. im just expecting to fall. im expecting it to hurt. im living in fear. i know i will eventually crash into a wall, trip on a rock, and that fall will be you. Am i at a point where i want to just rip the bandaid off clean and fast? am i at the point where, all i can wish for is for you to say hello. all i want is for you to say hi. just two letters. not three words. just two letters. pink font and all.

what the hell did i do?
rephrase...
what the hell have i done...

im wondering how long is this avoidance gonna go on for.
im wondering how much longer our paths wont cross.
god i really hate you.

i've gotten word that, maybe... you arent doing as well as i had thought.
i am saddened for you. saddened by you. just saddened.
why are you doing this to yourself, you used to be walking in the light,
but now you're at the bottom of the bottle.

tragic.

DMX

Dearest.

i have trouble accepting the fact that you're gone. so i wont. it'll be like, we went a while with out seeing each other.

I Love You. I Miss You.

now im sitting here. thinking bout you, and the days we used to share. its driving me crazy. i dont know what to do... but im wondering if you still care. and i dont wanna letcha know, that its killing me. i know you got another life you gotta concentrate.

baby, come back to me, can you feel me? hear me? calling? for you? cuz its been too long, and im lost with out you. what am i gonna do? i said i been needing you, wanting you. wondering if youre the same, and who's been with you. Is your heart still mine... i wanna cry sometimes.

since you've been gone.

i've stopped wearing make up, stopped eating badly, stopped crying momentarily. i have stopped several things. in a little bit of a limbo. ive been listening to tracy chapman's Fast Car for the past 3 days now. morning to night. i feel some sort of attachment to it. it's a very sad story... im in love with sad stories. i think i lost weight. i look smaller. ive put my lip ring back in. im trying new things. i went to a hip hop class. i did alright. i want to go back. ive been thinking about my sexuality. at this moment in time, im still very much straight. ive been thinking about you. ive been doing a lot of thinking, about school, work, random things. i have lost touch with many people... and havent made much effort to try and be friends with people who have shown no interest in me. people seem to trust me for some reason. i miss my lolo. this is a very random blog. welcome to my brain and thought process.

riddle me this: birthdays

im already thinking about my birthday, and i know exactly what i want. it doesnt cost anything, but its worth plenty. if you know what it is, you can drop it off at my door at midnight on October 29th.

friends?

i have dreamed about you 3 days in a row now.
last night, you wanted to be friends again... you wanted to take me out.
you had no pants on, you were in washed out black boxers.
your jeans were in the backseat covered in mud.
you asked me to put them in the glove compartment for you.
my head was down, and you drove over something...
i head my head, and my nose was bleeding.

momma's got a brand new baby

here's my other child:

http://www.thesixthelement.tumblr.com

be gentle. she's still a baby.

ranting

i hate facebook. i hate how everyone is connected, and i know things about people i dont wanna know. i hate how i sometimes facebook stalk, pretty girls, or hot guys. its actually really pathetic.

i more specifically hate when im aimlessly searching on facebook, and i come across something i dont like. it sets me off in a bad mood, and when im in a bad mood i do really irrational things or get stressed out.

to cope, i have set my news feed to only myself. so whenever i log in, i dont see other peoples statuses/pictures/whatever. I also do not check who has recently updated their profile info or display picture or status. so what do i do on facebook? I focus on myself. I update my info, my status, my pictures, reply to comments made on content concerning me... I do however check photo albums, with much apprehension. Slowly but surely i am deleting those random friends out of the 400 or so i have, that im pretty positive i will never talk to again. I wish there was a polite way to delete someone off facebook... sadly there isnt :(

Im aware it makes me seem very egotistical... but truthfully... im awkwardly sheltering myself. protecting myself from harm. yeah im a really big fag.

Why dont i just delete it? because, i like updating things, having a place to have my pictures and knowing that people watch my actions, and basically stalk me. I dont return the favor. Rarely. Plus, its too addicting.

secretly im hoping that someone sues facebook, or the people at facebook get really greedy and start charging people to sustain their accounts. All so, i would have a reason to delete and LEAVE facebook for good.

are you being haunted?

is there some kind of force that is holding you back? steering you in a certain direction? is there something that is making you back-peddle moves that you were so sure you were going to make?

i know i am being haunted. i am being haunted by several things. haunted by my own conscience, haunted by people who i want to do right by. i have yet to find out whether or not these hauntings are disabling or enabling, and should i hire an exorcist.

a drunken decision

although you are removed from my online social networks, phone, and all else... you are not removed from my life. if you are upset, i understand. what happened to us was unfortunate. tragic even. however things happen. i can only look forward and deal with what was dealt to me. hopefully we'll come back together at a later point in time. of this i am sure, because i cannot imagine life without you in it. until then, continue enjoying life as you have been. if things never revert back to how they used to be... its okay... i'll be okay.

if you ever need anything... despite our current distance... i am here for you always. you have never lost your priority, although we have lost touch. i know you will probably never come to me, because it was never your way, but the invitation still stands and i will never remove that option.

i can only hope you are doing well.

see you soon

love always, carla.

i feel like writing something sad and depressing... but i decided against it.

been talking about having a baby and getting married over the past few weeks. i think im bordering a quarter life crisis or something. currently watching gran torino, and am convinced that i want my husband to age into an old badass like Clint Eastwood. Earlier, i was watching V for Vendetta... V... really turns me on.

*deep breath*
goodbye love.

there was no day residue this time.

i just awoke from a dream. you were in it. we were sitting at a desk. you were supervising me as i did some sort of geometry puzzle. i couldnt get the pieces to line up as the instructions said they should. i was very discouraged. i asked you to help me, and you said you would. i decided to move on to the other homework we had. you said ok, ut to keep trying as it feels liberating if you can get it. we started the history homework. your birthday was in a week. you were sitting right beside me. i was laying right in your lap. i was talking to you, but reading our conversation in the history book as it happened. the pages were filled with your distinct structure of speech, pink font and all. we were in mid conversation about what i was to get you for your birthday and then the font turned black. i tried going back a few lines to make any sense of it. nothing. it was all history.

im awake now. its raining out. maybe i should cry. i wont though. the beauty of how well created that dream was, leaves me without tears. without breath.

23 cent bagel :)

Burak

Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

in love since 2002

although the moral of the poem is the sad realization that eventually everything's purity and light will disappear, the life lesson i learned from the book was in Johnny's dying to stay gold.

it depends on the day, but some days gold can stay.

i refuse to write, because the only thing that comes to mind, i am sick of.

we are the world

used to sing this as a kid.
it made me feel good inside.
still does.

Bringing the world together.
REST IN PEACE MICHAEL.

second time around

rob kardashian

no one falls in love by choice, it's by chance. no one stays in love by chance, its by work. no one falls out of love by chance, its by choice.

you promise?

how could a 3 minute conversation leave me in my bed crying like a child?
maybe it's because so little has been said, that those few words made such an impact.
maybe it was the content of the conversation.
maybe it was the Coldplay playing in the background.
puffy.

One of my idol's Michael Jackson, passed away today.
I am completely crushed and devastated.
I shed a couple of tears.
I am playing a miscellaneous playlist of all his older songs.
He reminds me of childhood.
His songs, i grew up on, and memorized all the words.
It just sucks because, i wont have the chance to see him perform.

It's sorta crazy how sad i am.

Michael Jackson Biographies All Night.

the more time i spend alone, the more i realize i am in love with myself.

today i dont care

its a good feeling.

things that i wanna eat

doing this detox obviously makes me hungry.
to deal with the hunger,
i sniff food, and google recipes online that i wanna make, just to help the cravings go away. so here is a list of food that im gonna eat (the bad ones in extreme moderation... surprisingly my cravings have mostly been healthy ones):
- Canadian tire hot dog
- sushi (excessive amounts of sushi)
- salads salads salads
- cottage cheese
- any cheese for that matter
- grape tomatoes
- steamed fish
- steamed beans, carrots and broccoli
- soups! fml soups.
- quiches!
- seriously im dying for a salad
- baked chicken
- sinigang
- palabok
- fml bopis


iono man, im just seriously hungry.

uncensored

i go back and forth.
it depends on the day.
i miss you. i hate you. you dont exist.
you're there. not there. everywhere.
sometimes you're noone.
i've changed? you've changed? we've changed?

i keep thinking big picture.
things were said.
plans were made.
things were said
plans were altered.
things werent said
plans were left unsaid.
i keep thinking big picture.

sometimes i think you dont deserve your title,
but it would break my heart to strip you of it
in my kingdom, you still reign.
then i think, if i even deserve mine?
im hoping i even still have one.
you are always a priority. always. to a vice i'll admit.

regardless im optimistic.
despite my affinity for pessimism.

im disappointed it got this bad.. but we both let it get this bad. im cloudy headed cal. know that i will always hold you to a higher standard, a reason why i know that things can sort itself out. read your oldest note again. still true. i read it and i cried. hopefully we'll talk soon. okay i have to go to work.

these thoughts are sporadic. this is my best attempt at organization of them.

i just want my best-friend.
i dont regret anything but,
truth be told, i kind of just wish we were back in grade seven.

no such thing as sweet dreams

it comes to the point where even in my sleep, im being taunted.

- someones exboyfriend wants to sleep at my house
- someones little sister called me a skank
- i carried someone near and dear to my heart on my back through a muddy field
- someone near and dear to my heart told me they havent been paying attention to me
- someone near and dear to my heart blasted at me, for me thinking i was not of importance to them
- someone near and dear to my heart wants nothing to do with me
- classrooms
- outside festivals
- metallic colored men
- sunburns
- apartment buildings that i have seen before
- i apparently didnt take my birth control

i woke up vomitting.

parting words

i've departed with my livejournal, facebook and twitter. I am contemplating on whether or not to keep my blogger. I think, i'll be abandoning it for the time being... and maybe return to it at a later point in time that is TBD. trying to be not so dependent on the internet... and spending time on here. it's my summer, and im doing more fun and better things.

Sincere apologies to the like 4.5 people out there who read this blog. Until then, i'll keep my msn status on away, and my blackberry in arms length. Perhaps I'll catch you in a few. In all seriousness, Ive been too caught up with my own life, so contacting me would probably be better than the other way around, because odds are i wont be contacting anyone. If you still cant reach me, im sure someone on the internet can tell you how you can get a hold of me.



Sorry y'all, back to watching Armageddon on STARZ

NTS: stop crying

you act as if you're the only one

yaaaaay life. im so hungry :(.
should i eat ice cream? i think im gonna eat ice cream.

FUCKING SPOILER ALERT!

chills surge through my body... even on the 8th time.

grudge free (for now LOL)

sasha fierce

the whackiest

today after my exhausting 3 hour lab i decided to do something with my life, and eat. I walked to Mr. Sub, and stared at the sub-girl. As she was making my sub, she told that the next time i was on youtube, that i should youtube: drunken delight. she then proceeded to sing me snippets of BSB and Aqua.

I wonder how many of these guys went AWOL, once their homophobe superior found this video was in existence.

made her say ahhh ahhh

do not test me.

i don't care who you are... i am the Queen of holding grudges. Believe that.

8:27 am

currently fighting through an anxiety attack. i feel like barfing. im talking to myself under my breath, and i just told myself to shut up. fingers crossed. toes crossed. legs crossed.

anxiety attack over!! :) YAY. calming down with purelife water, and empire of the sun.

class at 10-12. home. workout after 5.

ya so basically...

my jaw dropped. reading that text message was totally not what i expected to see. my emotions are kind of all over the place, even though i really have nothing to do with this.

so much for prioritizing

the more and more i interact with people, the more i realize i'd rather be alone. yep yep, it's shitty... but eh what can you do.

this song reminds me of janine, and she was at my house last night

hands in the air, bobbing your head

i cant listen to this song without closing my eyes and letting the beat take control of my body.

really?

im thinking im gonna throw a BBQ for either cinco de mayo... or the weekend.


so embarassing.

fingers crossed

i love hospitals. i love the weird smells, hallways, waiting rooms, nursing stations, han-san stations... everything. it has always been a (sick and twisted) dream of mine, to be a long-term/terminally ill patient at a hospital (on the condition that im at least 19-45... the younger the better). I want to be hooked up to an IV, and call it my banana bag. I want to hook up the oxygen tank to my face, and watch the monitor as my heart beats. I want the anxiety of the doctor coming in with updates. Counting down days. Watching the people try and sit with uncomfortable feeling in the pits of their stomachs. The random "codes" that go off during the say. I just want it. I obviously know that being sick and in a hospital is not something someone should wish for, but i really do fantasize about it, as crazy and unnecessary as it seems. I think it has to do with the fact that in my short 19 years i have been alive, i have countless times been a visitor to the sick and dying... it just makes me wonder what it would be like to be the one visited.

leave me be

i could go off on too many tangents to try and explain what this song does for me

eating empanadas

last night was definitely a night.
all the attention was hilarious, overwhelming, scary and addicting.
definitely a confidence booster.
kill me

HIATUS.

alone time, here i come.

all the small things

Hutch... says: (12:27:33 AM)
anywho love u are one of the greatest friends and ppl i kno but i juss thou id tel u that before i go

hurts my heart a bit

"you weren't out for me, were you." "no."

this jealousy is going to be the death of me, seriously.
i hate how i cant be awake.

dont take this the wrong way... things are better.. its just late at night, when im wide awake.. all i can really do is go crazy.

dr. jekyll

i did something very bad last night..

In life things may not always go right for you. in those times just leave it behind cuz, sometimes you gotta play the game. Just to survive, without losing yourself is a fight, it's true. It takes time. Dont have all the answers. No matter how hard it gets hold on to whats inside. Don't ever let nobody break you down. Don't ever let nobody tear your world apart.

out of sight and out of mind

just when i thought everything was starting to settle... another rock was thrown into my pond, and the water is rippling like crazy.
so sick of crying over this. its ridiculous.
too many bad things were said... but in my eyes, you're still walking under the light.

laughing out loud

'till the burning in my chest subsides,
that's how long i'll need to hide.

it's only saturday

baby, thats just me

at the risk of sounding cocky... sometimes knowing you are the best, isn't enough.

anyway, people are starting to bug me... i cant stand to be around people. negative to that one.. certain people?... most people? yeah. whatever. cant make everyone happy. and everyone cant make me happy. distance and persistence.

im staying in tonight... looking at parts of the body. great.


i love demi lovato

summer list

as exam time is approaching, it is only right that i start daydreaming about summer.

My personal summer to do list

• reach my goal weight
• basically look sexy all the time
• hardly wear pants
• hardly wear socks
• go to parks
  
• buy more bathing suits
• go swimming
• go to the beach
• go to a cottage
• get my lip tattoo
• hang out with my cousins
• chill in my backyard
• light fires
• hook up with boys
• make some bad decisions
• get waaaasted

things will be added

i dont wanna go to anatomy

Do you think its cute when a boy says 'i love you'?
if they mean it... and i know they do.. then sure.

Why aren't you going out with the person you like?
thats a good question

Can you recall the last time you loved someone?
all the time

Are you cheating on someone right now?
nope

Anyone of the opposite sex been on your mind lately?
the opposite sex or just sex... is always on my mind

Will you be in a relationship next month?
who knows? i dont.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
natalie

Anyone you're giving up on?
not giving up. just caring less.

Are you taller than your mom?
yes, omg my momma is so small

Is anything upsetting you right now?
my name is carla carbonell... there is always something upsetting me

What's the farthest away from home you have ever been?
europe or the Philippines... i cant calculate which one is further... cuz you know.. the globe is all circular and shit

Do you hate being alone?
i love it

Are you shy?
depends who i am with

What do you think about most?
a whole lot of things. right now... school, sex, boys, family, friends. the usual.

When was the last time you cried?
i cant really remember... but i would say sometime last week?

Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?
a few people can do that to me actually

Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
yes in asia

When you see a foggy window do you feel the need to draw or write on it?
yes, either that... or i get grossed out.

What kind of pants are you wearing?
tricot leggings

Are you in a good mood right now?
im tired, and listening to the fray... you tell me

Has a boy/girl ever called you babe or baby?
yes, it was awkward

Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
thankfully yes

How many times have you been to the emergency?
for myself, none yet (yn) crossing my fingers for soon! (just for any other reason OTHER than pregnancy)
for other people... a few times

Who are you disappointed in right now?
a couple of people. i dont name drop

Who was the last person that pissed you off?
same answer as prior

What are your plans for tomorrow?
school and sleep

What are some things you need to tell someone?
theres a lot, but i would rather just forget it

What are you doing tonight?
studying and sleeping

Have you been caught doing something you weren't supposed to be doing?
not caught

astronauts forget me not

In the words of one of my bestfriends J.Hutch.

"NIGGA YOU FUCKED UP"

attractive orgasm noises

i have a really fucked up obsession with The Dream tracks



i think my hips disconnect from my body when i listen to this song. cant help the hip-rollin'.
WHOA-DEY.

i went to church today, and during the offering of our own petitions... i asked for multiple people to fail, other people to realize, and for me to die sooner than later. not being sadistic... i was being serious. petitions are not like wishes... i can say them out loud, and they can still come true.

displacement

i kind of love the drive from mississauga to brampton, or rather my house to shawn's. It takes about 20 minutes and a bit to get there, but it is a good time.

I thought I was gonna be bored for most of the night, but surprisingly i had a pretty sweet time. Other than the initial awkwardness, which i dont really care for anymore, it was pretty rad. The mix of a new setting, and new people was so refreshing. As usual, it was more guys than girls (my natural habitat)... i would basically consider it a sausagefest, cuz the other girls there were basically non-existent and didnt talk. Obviously Jessy and I were the coolest chicks there... it showed.

now point my point review of the night

• boys playing streetfighter... i hate that game
• greg eating all the chips
  
• failblog on my iPod
• kitchen conversation
• daft punk dance party via kitchen
• reggae hits mixed cd
• carla and jessy heart to hearts as always <3
• boys drinking
  
• boys with cute tshirts and belt buckles
  
• boys telling me how to make an alcoholic beverage that tastes exactly like dr pepper
• having the boys circulate my hat around the house
  
• making boys feel uncomfortable by telling them to flex
• making boys feel uncomfortable by telling them to rap
• me making fun of the other girls...out loud... while the cd player changed songs
  
• niko and jessy getting embarrassed because i made a comment about the girls...out loud, while the cd player changed songs
  
• making korean bbq plans with boys, since me and jessy cant drive on highways
• having the cutest boy kind of sorta flirt with you... but deciding not to drag him into the bathroom, because that isnt classy. LOL.
• cute ride home, sped the whole way.
• good night. goodnight.
  

it aint the dog in the fight, its the fight in the dog

WHOA-DEY. i think i need to watch this. them black dudes be kinna sexxxay ;) LOL

Just Remember Where Your Loyalty Lies.

I have no idea if i should even think this way... but i cant help but feel that there is something going on. My imagination tends to run wild, and this time is no exception. I've tried countless times to try and leave it be, but it keeps coming back. It's kind of hard to leave something, if there is always a constant reminder dragging my mind back. To add insult to injury, i even had a dream about it. It wasnt pleasant. Im doing everything in my way possible to make sure i am not in some bullshit situation... but clearly that isnt the case. I have tried to make other people comfortable, by sacrificing how i feel... and i kind of wish i didnt. This feeling is gonna get the best of me, and believe me, im trying so hard so that it wont. Whatever.

School is rough.. a few more weeks. then hell... then i can breathe, then the alcohol will be pouring.

ANYWAY, it's friday. im not going to school.
Im gonna sing my heart out and get drunk. Stop by if you want, my house is empty till 3. After 3, we can sing with my parents! I'll probably be intoxicated. It should be a good time. Andrea stop taking tylenols. Advils where it's at. LOL.

Working out at 5 or 6 wooo.


This actually... really... turns me on.

pppppppparty

speaking of palm reading:
at church (i know... i went to church, SHOCKING).. anyway at church, carolines sister took my hands, and said i was going to live a long life. i was greatly disappointed.

PEOPLE WHO RULE PT I

So I'm gonna start a segment where I blog about people who I think rule (if the title didn't give it away already).

Andrea K. Carbonell


If it isn't evident who that is, it is no other than my baby sister. We share parents, clothes, tastes in boys, music and food. We look a like, once we were even asked if we were twins (that person was obviously an idiot).

People call her Andrea, Drea even (which i find horrendous)... but I call her Ange. We are born four years apart. If i had to explain her, she's the girl from your highschool who you only stare at, cuz you know shes such a bitch. Only when talking to her you realize shes actually not that bad... or that shes a total bitch. The ultimate daddy's girl. And she can probably steal your boyfriend's attention for a hot second, even when you're paying close attention. A total cupcake, who... depending on the weather will bake you a cupcake.

Why Andrea Rules? well because i am a narcissist and love myself, and my sister reminds me of myself... that's why. Kidding. She's pretty awesome, besides the fact that she is my sister. She has a rocking body. She always has enough girls on her case. She is a really funny drunk. She is a baker! She shares sometimes. She lets me sleep in her bed when i am sad. When she was younger, she was a sick ass reggae dancer. Since then... the ability had been lost. She comes into your room and bugs you. She's a sweet piece of eye-candy. She's an awesome Guitar Hero player. She's a bipolar maniac.

Yeah she rocks.

sufficiently awkward

because at my wedding, I'm going to sing this with my dad.

mirrors

Myself I shall adore,
If I persist in gazing.

No object sure before,
Was ever half so pleasing.

tonight when i get home... im going to hook my laptop to my speakers and subwoofer... shut the lights off... blast some Robin S, and have myself a solo dance party.

like a rolling stone

im sitting in the library, main floor, exposed to anyone in this place. im fighting back tears. this week has been one of the most stressful... and its only wednesday. i dont know what to do anymore. i dont know if what im doing is right. i dont even know if i care anymore. everything has been shot out the window for me.

To answer your question from earlier...
No. No, we are not okay. Sorry.


because Adele makes us feel better

addicted

dear grey's anatomy
i fucking hate you.
you have this power over me, that i can never resist!
this is so frustrating.
so good, but so frustrating!

you make me cry like no other.
i basically love you.

lol, so i have been 'living' with my sister for the past 2 days.
i havent been inside my room for longer than maybe an additive 10 minutes a day.
ive only been in there, to look for clothes, and thats about it.
living with andrea is hilarious.

lies are worse

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aluwpslpygQ

thank you andrea

i just wanna daaaaance

basically my anthem of life.

my chem ta is so hot. he kind of reminds me of rob dyrdek.

im not meredeth grey

theres no point in me trying to disguise this. i am sad... ive been sad.
i've been saying i wanted to do something, drastic, stupid and irrational... this just might be it.

i dont feel its necessary for me to explain why. im hoping you'll forgive me.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_09CUtiMwu4 (embedding was disabled sry)

ouch. that one hit real close to home.

when i say theres nothing wrong, there is either
a) nothing wrong
b) something wrong, but i would rather not make it anyone elses problem
c) i just like to be alone (and weird)

more times than never it is option d.

hells yeah

im in love with it right now. so badass LOL.

holes

a) yes its real
b) it didnt hurt
c) my parents dont know yet

:D

ditto

i feel like crying. i just wrote a test... which i am pretty positive i failed. there is no way in hell i could have passed. If i did, it will be a shitty mark, and wont exceed the already shitty mark i have in that class.

i feel empty inside. i cant recall, the last time i wrote a test and felt confident about it. i cant recall the last 80 or 90 percent i got on a test. it has been a fucking while. i feel so lost. i hate how i look around at people i dont know, and know they are doing better than me. I hate comparing myself to people i could give a fuck for.

i am bitter, and really wish that everyone around me failed that test just as hardcore as i did. if they did really well... i hope they fall down a flight of stairs... maybe even die. Yes, thats how bad i feel.

i wonder if you wonder

today was such a shitty day

i love this way, cuz i got it as a kid

so my dad thinks im crazy, and when i say crazy... i mean clinically insane. fml? nope. he isnt too far from the truth.

sleep is my best friend and worst enemy

my body, your body

i was walking down to the basement with a friend. She sat down in a cubicle a seat away from me. i took of my jacket, and placed it on the back of my chair. She looked at me and said, "Carla, you look soo good!" Me being confused, and quick to dismiss any form of compliment, asked her what she meant. I thought she meant my outfit (i was trying the whole tucking my shirt into my pants look) but she said that i lost weight. I was so excited, and asked her if she can actually notice. She said yes. Accomplishments in life! hopefully she wasnt lying :D

why is it all of a sudden, everyone is on that lykke li tip? whatever. ive seen Little Bit posted just about anywhere and everywhere.

im hungry.

what..we..fighting...4, 3, 2, 1

it never ceases to amaze me why people dont flush the toilets in public places. i think people have a little too much faith in the fact that the toilets are "automatic" so they just leave, thinking there mess will be long gone, the instant they step out of the stall. Clearly this is not the case. People... start flushing your toilets.

Lent has been going on for about 12 days now. that means that i have been abstinent for the 12 days of lent.. but in reality, i have been abstinent for 15 days. Temptation is a bad mother fucker. Yeah it sucks.

speaking of sex

red on white

so today my sister called me when i was in an area of really bad reception. my phone had just died, so i borrowed sica's phone. i stepped outside of the bad reception area, and dialed home. my sister answered the phone, and i asked her if anyone had called. She responded saying that she had called earlier to ask how to use my macbook to upload pictures, but she didnt need my help anymore since she figured it out. I said okay, and was about to hang up the phone, when she told me, that she had been looking through my pictures i had taken on my iSight camera, and that i was really pretty, and she thought she needed to tell me that. I was caught a little bit off guard, and told her to calm. we said goodbye, and hung up the phone. I closed the phone... smiled... and walked back into the bad reception area.

save me

when it comes down to it, i just wanna meet a boy who can play me the guitar whenever i am sad, while making me sad when he plays his guitar.

and LOL @ the drummers chest, in that skin colored vneck.

arteries and veins

im the kind of person that needs to be places early. I need to go to all my lectures 5 or 10 minutes before the the "o'clock" even if the class starts at ten after. However, i strongly dislike when the lecture hall starts to fill more and more, and people start talking about their tests, studying and all that stuff i could care less to hear about, at 9am in the morning. sometimes i would really like to turn people on mute... opposed to my truly repressed feelings to slash their necks. for now, all i have is to plug in my headphones and listen to a song of my choice to drown out the silence. right now, its Boyz II Men... but that's gonna change to The Bled in less than 10 seconds.

i have an anatomy test of thursday. to which i have only studied like.. 2 lectures. there are 6.

im so sleepy. i have a quiz today... which i will probably end up failing. its okay :)

so tired.

dick moves

i kind of feel like one of those stupid girls that i make fun of.
the ones who's boyfriends treat them like shit, but they go back to them anyway.
not saying i have a boyfriend or anything, but the analogy still reigns true.
in some senses, i feel like i was chris brown'ed almost, with rihanna going back to cbreezy and all, after the infamous beatdown.

sometimes when i think about it, i tear up.

why wont it stop bothering me? make it stop.

my room is freezing.

2:31 am

i was fiending to listen to this song yesterday when i was at central but youtube was being so slow, so i decided to listen to it on myspace. I searched for it under myspace music... but couldnt find the Chicago version.

I found this version instead...

Just as dope. Cameo voice by Peter Cetera, so srssss.

off with your head

im writing up notes, and this is taking forevaaaaaah.
check the new yeah yeah yeahs track, its pretty effective.
i've been listening to the same songs over and over... they're just too good.
heres a list of a few.

• flo-rida - right round
• tamia - so into you
• luther vandross - this house is not a home
• my american heart - tired and uninspired
• the fray - you found me

im currently wearing red tights. its so weird, reminds me of highschool... i mean wearing tights... but not wearing red ones. i even had the nostalgic feeling of putting nail polish on the run.

10:56 am edit
cureent blogging via SE2074, aka organic chemistry
the class has yet to start.. it starts at 11:10.
listening to the yeah yeah yeahs, the song is so good. i cant get over it.
the yeah yeah yeahs - heads will roll
after class, my 1cw bus comes at 12:16, then im off to pick up my car at tita emma's house, and then, im picking up aimee and aj (who i havent seen in so freaking long... dare i say, this whole new year?) and we're going to cora's for breakfast. We havent done this in such a long time. im excited. the rules basically are... if im driving, i dont have to pay for food :) im obviously down.

I checked the weather and temperature for today on my mac... and it says +10 degrees! even though the forecast says theres gna be some rain... i love rain, so its all hood. (no thats not a typo). weather change = wardrobe change. so stokeddddddddddd, so srsssssss.

def ready for some loud ass outfits. jessica knows, we're dressing hella tacky this summer. leggings as pants, long tees as dresses, mad necklaces for adornment. so excited.

sidenote: i havent worked out all week. i need to go. i have a feeling all my progress is gonna turn to shit :( working out is so necessary esp if i wanna dress the way i wanna. being fat and those kinds of clothes....uh uh, not cute.

anyway this is song is doing it right now.

wild vines 2.5 party

you know you're G, when you steal a cup, walking into genetics, then in the back of the lecture hall... pour wine into it, and get your drank on. so srsssss

information & loans

in regards to last night's crying:
being that this morning i woke up feeling perfectly fine, not sad, or confused or whatever. i have decided that my crying was due to multiple things, some of which include:

• someone's words making me feel a bit shitty
• temporary feelings of loss
• the fact that i had two midterms, both of which i didnt do jack shit for. On top of that, the two above reasons somewhat preventing me from studying = stresssssssss
• past experiences that have resurfaced because now i had a chance to let everything out

Anyone who knows me, knows that i love crying. It's a feeling i hate, but enjoy. You feel like shit going through it, but eventually it all feels better. When i think about it, me crying last night was stupid... but i think my body needed to go through with it anyway, just because these past few weeks, months have been hectic.

to a certain someone: you telling me what you did affected me. no one wants to ever hear that. you know me, and how i can appreciate truth... but that doesnt mean that i cant be hurt by it. Its the fact that the words were coming out of you, is why i think it shook me up a bit. I know you think before you say things... so what you say, is never any heat of the moment type of thing...which made things even worse. i feel like i made myself look pathetic in front of you, because i am not that girl to be begging you for a reason. I never want to be that girl. You should know, that i think very highly of you... and that the way certain things were said, made me feel as if i was less than what i am... or that i could be some psycho-crazy person with a really ugly side. even though your analogies were never personally directed to me, being that it was only you and i in the conversation, it is kind of hard to not try and apply the things you said to myself. I hope you can look past this, and not perceive me as that girl who seemed like i could have/sorta wanted to be with you... it isnt like that. i promise. i just felt like i needed to defend myself. the questions i asked, were hypothetical... i just like to know things.

if i can get over it in a day or two.
it wasnt anything big.
now we wait.

my eyes are really sore. im going to dinner later tonight with my mom and dad... im scared they're gonna ask me whats wrong. thats always the worst.

just me being confused and emotional... no biggie

david meghan just walked into the library comp lab, and screamed out WUDDUP WUDDUP... best part of my day so far.

9:38 pm edit
dinner was fine.
thankfully my mom knew i was awake late, so she blamed the puff puff on the lack of sleep. i just took a shower, my eyes are refreshed. my stomach is full for the first time today, and hell yeah im drinking tonight.

so why do you waste my time

just a bit crushed... but thats understandable
we knew this would happen eventually...
so it's fine
you know this is going to be really hard, right?
any form of goodbye is rough.

you're right. people change.

know this. i cried a bit. you should not feel bad. you did me a favor.


the nelly furtado one is better. but this is still effective.

you killed it

home @ 12:01 AM

"just block him and blog about it"

That The Fray song is stuck in my head.

I've come to the conclusion i wasted my reading week. I read like two things. It's okay. Why is it so hard to buckle down and actually do work. Im starting to dread working under the conditions of stress. I always used to say I work better under pressure... but this is too much. On top of that, I'm the kind of person, who either a) goes crazy and cries because of stress, aka has a traumatic breakdown along with the stress turning into physical symptoms or b) doesnt give a fuck, and just sleeps all the stress away. Hopefully i can keep it all together this week.

God. Buddah. Allah. Higher power of some sort. Give me strength to get through wednesday.

I was thinking about that episode of Secret Life of an American Teenager, where the asian girl was talking about how a large percentage of teens or whatever, arent satisfied with their sex lives. Which got me thinking about my sex life... I would say, I am pretty content with my sex life atm. But if i did have to make changes to make it better... i would increase the frequency of activity, and tell my partner to DO WORK. that is all.

Currently at the library of UTM. my orgo class got cancelled. just sitting and reading. bobby diaz is next to me. this was not planned. just happened. Thanks to Calvin, im listening to tupac. I dont like spelling tupac like 2pac. I like letters over numbers.

im developing this thing, where i dont wanna talk about people i dont know, or basically dont care for.

if you could host an orgy party, who would you invite?
My Guestlist

• James Franco
• Brandon Flowers
• Ryan Gosling
• Brad Pitt
• Brendon Urie
• Chris Brown (i dont care... shut up)
• Ed fucking Westwick
• Mark-Paul Gosselaar
• Johnny Depp
• Heath Ledger
• Dr McDreamy
• Dr McSteamy
• Christian Bale (pref right after he had a breakdown... angry sex)

That's gonna be a long night.

because it's Katy Perry & and all Girl Group.
holy fuck, if they dont win... someone is gonna die.

"MELK"

so stoked.

i made out with 2 people in this car!

random thought.

as sick as it is, it's flattering to know people would fuck you. haha, i mean its comical, and depending who admits to wanting to throw down with you... can def boost up your self esteem.

i remember in highschool, whenever i was talking to someone, and the conversation got a bit dry, i'd always liven the conversation up with "so... who would you fuck?" Depending on the person i was questioning i could kind of feel out who they'd say yes, no or maybe too. The best, is when you get an answer you were totally not expecting. or when its the big elephant in the room, and you're wondering if they're going to name your name next? ha. good times good times.

just saying.

btw: i love candice b brooks. hopefully it'll be double trouble tonight. i'll be waiting by my blackberry <3

diamond like precision

yeah, reading week isnt so much for reading.
still have so much to do.
trying to get this one chapter of soc done before work.
yesterday started off productive, until i took a 5 hour break watching keeping up with the kardashians... so yeah basically... i need to do everything tonight and sunday. Ugh.

• chem discussion section - ~1.5
• chem prelab - ~1.5
• soc readings - 5 hrs
• phl readings - >6 hrs
• one chapter of mutants - 1.5 hrs

maybe this means i wont be going out tonight?

i made a new ring tone. It's actually quite shocking when you hear it, but understandable if you know me. i made 2 :)

so as you know, i deleted my facebook. However, i use my sisters fb sometimes. But when i use my sister's fb.... i can only creep on Krystle, Calvin, Karim, Jeffrey and Sica. but that's pretty much all i did when i had my own FB anyway.

i took a bubble bath last night, it was sooo sick.
totally did not know there was a bath and body works already open at Erin Mills Town Center.

everytime i look at my couch i kind of laugh.

so last night this creepy guy who i used to talk to (never dated, never fucked, never gave head to... thank god.... homeboy was a psycho) msgd me, because of my msn comment which read "you just can beat 32 D's" (ala Katy Perry, im a 34 D).
i knew he wasnt gna keep the conversation very clean, and that eventually he would ask me what my plans were for the night, and that i should come over. Which, as if right on cue, he did. I asked my homegyal james what the hell do i say?

James says: (12:09:27 PM)

Be like sry

James says: (12:09:50 PM)

I fuck on the first date and watching a movie is not a date neither is yoga

carla says: (12:10:04 PM)

i should be like, the last time we did that, you fingered me, and it sucked... and i dont want to reexperience that

James says: (12:10:19 PM)

LOOOOOOOL!!!!

eventually, i just told him No thanks, im good. He later tried to hook me up with one of his "friends" who apparently has no game with girls, but knows how to work a vagina... I told him i was content with my current vag operator. James told me to tell him, that he should stop doubting his Dad's skills.

making porn

omg its thursday. today will be spent in isolation and doing actual work.

things to do today

• read to chapter 5 of mutants
• do a bit of write up for chem lab
• do a bit of note rewriting of soc
• do a bit of reading for psychoanalysis

There will be a constant flow of tea & water through my body, and scheduled nap times.

excuse my beauty

i dont care, this video never fails.

family day

Spent Family Day watching Paul Blart: MallCop

pictures :)


the pictures commence

on the way to toronto... etobicoke to be technical :)

leather crue


mumszies and andrea

post mallcop. my face kills me here. im still fat... 20 more pounds to lose! <3

she made fun of me taking a pic infront of the theatre, but look she has one too

cute


cuter


very cute!

wild vines solo party.

this came on Angey's iPod when we were driving down the highway.

gotta put these chicken heads in their place.

i deleted my facebook, because i got angry whenever i saw someone i didnt like.
i dont like feeling angry.
thus facebook needed to go.

i would like to become as anti-social as i am in my head... damn thats really anti-social.

Honestly, as much as i hate Olivia on The City... i admire her for knowing she is better than everyone else, and how she has the balls to say whatever the fuck she wants, especially, when she told Whitney how she didnt want to know about the drama of other people. I actually do wanna be like her. New Goal.

im not going to apart of some love triangle

i must have been all sorts of exhausted last night. because after i put in that last load of laundry in the washer... i came up to my room and passed the eff out.

last night was really weird. The house was empty. I didnt have anything planned. And it basically felt like i was living alone. I came home, did laundry, ate salad over the kitchen sink, popped in a movie and went to bed. I missed almost all the phone calls i received on my phone... and seldom replied on msn.

The independent living carried on to this morning. in which i still had a few more loads of laundry. the house was dead. mom was at work, sister sleeping over at my cousins, and my dad sleeping... which pretty much meant the house was dead and empty. I havent spoken a word out loud yet. I am eating ramen noodles for breakfast.

lol i realize that my night, and early morning sound really sad in text, but not gonna lie... i wouldnt mind feeling this sense of independence, everyday. The whole idea of being able to hear all my thoughts, and not having to answer to anyone is one that makes me feel more at ease.

Last night when i was alone to my thoughts, in a pitch black room, and a cold breeze coming in from a fully open window... i went through various scenarios in my head... which further validated that i am a greedy, selfish, self-centered, hateful little bitch...sometimes. i took a deep breath, and went to sleep.

I just finished watching The City. I hate Olivia, and i wished that Whitney would have torn her a new one.

Eeks its Sunday.

i dont understand the concept behind a "private blog"
that kind of goes against the whole point of having a blog, dont you think?
you make a blog, so people can read it. not so only some people can read it.
if you wanna privatize things... theres livejournal for that stuff.
I have both. Im smart.

I'm working at not caring what people think about me. It's getting better I must say. I should also mention, that I am working on, trying not to let little things get to me. Thats a bit rougher... but its a working progress. Def progress.

So at Bikini Village, there's an on-going thing between me and two of my coworkers in which we smack each others bums. Our manager has no clue how much sexual harassment is going down at our store :) Honestly, i love the girls i work with. I hate working, but will gladly come if i know if my loves are there. Not to mention when I'm at work, since we're all slutty... i feel more at home <3 yeah thats right. LOL. eXXXchanging stories of what went down during the week is always fun. Gosh i love it there.

Oh yeah! my manager asked me if i lost weight. I replied, im trying. To which she said, I can tell... you look "a lot smaller" To which I did that KA-CHING hand gesture, and was like "omg yesssssssssss"

I think im gonna go workout tomorrow, go to the library and read and do my chem lab.

Anyway, i have come to the conclusion that i am crushing. I haven't crushed on a guy for a long while. It feels really weird.

Needless to say, I miss geodude.

it's a beautiful day to save lives

fucking grey's anatomy. It's the crossover episode with Private Practice. i dont know, im not really into it right now... it isnt as good as the normal Grey's Anatomy. I know this because, i havent had the need to cry yet. Thats how i know its a good episode. Oh wait, it just got a bit interesting. I have goosebumps.
Oh, and Roll it Gal is playing :)

So i walked downstairs today, to my dad getting ready to leave for work, and my mom on the couch. I called out, as i walking down the stairs..."wuddup wuddup." To which my dad started laughing. I asked why he was laughing, and he said that I look exactly like my mom. I'm totally not offended. It's totally true.


this song reminds me of europe

thats the way you like to fuck

so i'm compiling peoples top 5 songs on their ultimate playlist...
here are a few i snagged off people.

1. Chris Brown - Take You Down
2. Ludacris - Splash Waterfalls
3. MGMT - electric feel
4. Nas - Oochie Wally
5. Drake ft Robin Thicke - Teach You a Lesson

1. Avant - Making good loe
2. Lloyd - Feel so Right
3. Usher - Nice and Slow
4. Usher (No Lil Jon) - Lovers and Friends
5. Chris Brown - Take You Down
BONUS The Bloodhound Gang - Bad Touch

1. Janet Jackson - Would U Mind?
2. Ludacris - What's Your Fantasy
3. Jodeci - FreekN You
4. R Kelly - Bump N Grind
5. Chris Brown - Take You Down

update this later... homegirls got class

1. Mos Def - Sex Love and Money
2. Biggy - Fucking You Tonight
3. Sir Psycho - Sexy
4. RHCP - Havana Affair
5. Sublime - Chica Me Tipo

1. Maxwell - A Woman's Worth
2. J.Holiday - Bed
3. Ginuwine - Pony
4. Tenacious D - Fuck Her Gently
5. Justice - Waters of Nazareth

1. Chris Brown - Take You Down
2. J Holiday - Suffocate
3. Ja Rule - Body (the video is hot)
4. Justin Timberlake - Until the End of Time
5. Britney Spears - Gimme More

somos novios

today you really irritated me. just saying.

im listening to oldies... they remind me of my dad. when i hear my dad sing, or even listen to the music my dad loves... my heart drops, and i feel numb, warm and breathless. i actually feel like crying right now.


i love my dad.

love this song, btw


yeah its from the disney motion picture Shrek... do you wanna fight about it?

teach me a lesson

someone fuck me to this song.


just saying.
im not a fan of Drake... but Robin Thicke on this track... makes me wanna get naked and frisky. JUST SAYNNN

hating life.. as usual

i am so stressed. overwhelmed to the point that i want to just cry and give up.
i woke up this morning, felt the stress hit me like a truck... ran to the bathroom and threw up clear liquid (No I am not pregnant. I actually am on my period right now, thanks).

now as i type, my fingers are trembling. I'll be stuck in this cubicle for a while. I hate life.

Tomorrow after 5... going crazy for a bit... and then im off to study for my bloody organic chem shit.

I hate, hate, haaaate life.


this helps a bit

btw those RANDOM 25 facts things are starting to all sound the same. people trying to hype up their problems, how "quirky" they are. Shut the fuck up. Im sorry. Im just stressed.

cnasty

not because i watched notorious. get off me.

hate life

ugh. i have to make a drs appt.
so pissed.
still dont understand how this happens.

hopefully i can get something for this week.

im sleepy. edit this later.

cuteness

last night my dad was singing a lionel richie song.
dad: you're once, twice... three times a lady
*and joins in carla*
dad & carla: and i looooove you
*mom joins in*
dad & carla & mom: yes, you're once, you're twice, three times a lady... and i loooove you. i love you.

i love my family

cute things

Abe says: (1:46:20 AM)
you belong in a polly pocket toy house thing
carla says: (1:46:44 AM)
omgggg
carla says: (1:46:46 AM)
thanks
Abe says: (1:46:52 AM)
http://z.about.com/d/toys/1/0/h/K/QuikClikBoutique.jpg <---------------
carla says: (1:46:54 AM)
thats like honestly such a compliment :)

edit edit
i went to bed at like 4 something ish... to wake up at 5:11 to my macbook open on my bed, and calvin saying he's going to bed. i closed my macbook, shoved it under my pillow and went to bed. i woke up not too long ago. took my 22nd birth control pill, aka the first pill without hormones in it, aka im getting my period this week. Im so excited. Is it weird that i love getting my period? maybe its because I have a fucking hella irregular cycle, and that getting a period is like presents on christmas morning to me. The longest time inbetween periods i have ever experienced was... 3, almost 4 months. thats fucked.

verdict about my first month on birth control?
it's pretty awesome. Other than some cramping i noticed during my second week of taking the pill... it's pretty much an over all success. I havent noticed any major mood swings, nor have i noticed any rapid weight gain *still crossing my fingers for weight loss!* Not to mention, a lot of stress is taken off my back :) yeah thats right. I mean shoot, i didnt pay 1 dollar for 3 months of BC to not have a little fun.. okay that was a little slutty.

im really craving lettuce eatery. i brought home a menu, and just looking at it makes me fucking hungry. i just went downstairs to ask my dad what he ate for breakfast... he said he had a banana. andrea came downstairs and overheard the conversation, and asked to go out. he asked where? and i said i really didnt care, im so hungry i'll eat mcdonalds. in five minutes we're eating at mcdonalds.

Holy fuck, its February.

i have the taste of left over gin in my mouth. i didnt drink gin last night.

my body is exhausted from all the physical and recreational activity i have been doing this month, especially this week. i think i have been noticing changes in my body, yay. im still a fatty, but whatever... progress.

it's pretty obvious i'll never be a size zero... nor would i ever want to be one... cuz hen i'd look like every other no shape Filipino girl on the planet. Ewwwwww, so nasty. i love my breasts, hips, and the rump i call a bum... and regardless of how much i work out... im not gonna lose those! Which is why i am convinced that when i do lose more weight, and tone it all up... my body will be similar... but clearly not as amazing as Kim Kardashians. She's sooo effing hot. I wanna be like her, and release a sex tape, and sell it. Kidding.


check the way she still has mad curves. yeaaap, thats gonna be me. *fingers crossed* haha. I mean im pretty confident that my body isnt gonna look ugly when i lose weight. I have been slim before, and my body was pretty decent. Sooo you knowwww. Lets pray for the best, shall we.

Everyone i know is getting in shape, and it's awesome. It'll all be worth it once summer comes around. I mean shoot, whats the point of working at a bikini store if i dont get to buy and wear (and look good in) the damn things. Beach bodies y'all. Beach bodies!

BTW: to anyone who needs a discount on bathing suits, swimwear. i can get 20% off swimming apparel. BUT if your sizes are similar to mine... i can probably pass it off as personal purchase and get you 40% or 50% off. Just sayn. Good Karma Y'all!

PLANS

Im a person with too many plans. I have made numerous plans with numerous amounts of people, and yet if asked what my plans are i could never recall all of them, or any. So i decided to blog out all my 'plans'. I will write them according to the people i have plans with. If you would like to make plans with me, feel free to comment, or call my phone :) I am always down for plans

Calvin

• go to the great coral reef in australia (might as well, since we're prob gna go to med school there)
• At twenty-six, go to LA... and drink
• go to miami & blast pitbull from our rental car
• watch The Strokes live
• watch Daft Punk live
• watch misc. movies on DVD
• we still need to go on our "twenty-first century date" in which i was the guy, and you were the girl... yeah i still remember
• go sleep in Paris
• wake up in Tokyo
• have a dream in New Orleans
• fall in love in Chicago (not to eachother)
  
• go to great wolf lodge
• go on a random road trip
• go see coldplay before they break up
• fly a kite
• go to the ROM
• go to ikea
• buy a book
• write our fucked up story in that book

Jessica

• When we're 21, go to the states
• go to New York again
• go to europe
• go to hawaii and surf
• learn how to long board
• go to the SXSW festival
• go to Coachella
• go on a cruise
• go to a whole bunch of 19+ shows, 'cuz you know... we're 19 now
• party hipster style
• go to kariya park and have a photoshoot
• go to our cute spot and have starbucks
• make lamingtons
• make lemonade
• make videos
• vintage shopping
• holiday sweater shopping
• watch movies.
• work at american apparel at the same time, along with caroline
• wild vines party
• drink a box of wine with dixie cups
• go to the zoo, and touch the fur or a lemur
  

Krystle

• go to brasil after our undergrad years
• get sexy
• get sexy and rub oil on our bodies, like in that enur calabria video
• go to caribanna & wear hella tacky clothes
• buy lululemon pants
• buy tna pants
• buy monokinis, put shorts over them, and go clubbing
• go clubbing
• buy those 3 dollar coronas at the wings place beside her house
• go shopping in buffalo

Caroline

• live together during med school
• go to med school together
• work at american apparel at the same time along with sica
• canadas wonderland water park
• picnics
  

who else do i have plans with? That's enough for now.