Thursday, February 26, 2009

information & loans

in regards to last night's crying:
being that this morning i woke up feeling perfectly fine, not sad, or confused or whatever. i have decided that my crying was due to multiple things, some of which include:
  • someone's words making me feel a bit shitty
  • temporary feelings of loss
  • the fact that i had two midterms, both of which i didnt do jack shit for. On top of that, the two above reasons somewhat preventing me from studying = stresssssssss
  • past experiences that have resurfaced because now i had a chance to let everything out

Anyone who knows me, knows that i love crying. It's a feeling i hate, but enjoy. You feel like shit going through it, but eventually it all feels better. When i think about it, me crying last night was stupid... but i think my body needed to go through with it anyway, just because these past few weeks, months have been hectic.

to a certain someone: you telling me what you did affected me. no one wants to ever hear that. you know me, and how i can appreciate truth... but that doesnt mean that i cant be hurt by it. Its the fact that the words were coming out of you, is why i think it shook me up a bit. I know you think before you say things... so what you say, is never any heat of the moment type of thing...which made things even worse. i feel like i made myself look pathetic in front of you, because i am not that girl to be begging you for a reason. I never want to be that girl. You should know, that i think very highly of you... and that the way certain things were said, made me feel as if i was less than what i am... or that i could be some psycho-crazy person with a really ugly side. even though your analogies were never personally directed to me, being that it was only you and i in the conversation, it is kind of hard to not try and apply the things you said to myself. I hope you can look past this, and not perceive me as that girl who seemed like i could have/sorta wanted to be with you... it isnt like that. i promise. i just felt like i needed to defend myself. the questions i asked, were hypothetical... i just like to know things.

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