blue and yellow

i hate how i can't fight this feeling. how every time i try and do something, my mind wanders to a place it hates to be. my chest gets achy, and i find it harder to breathe. my chest fills up with anger and rage, and i need to take a few deep breaths and force the view from my mind. what bugs me the most, is why now, of all times do i care? i know better not to care, and i keep telling myself that... but i dont know if this is some physiological/mental/emotional response. I am being rational, and this still makes no sense. It's frustrating when i know that the only reason im feeling like this, is because i am taking words that were said to me, replaying them in my head, and creating up story lines... and its pathetic. Of all people, why me. this is embarrassing.

anyway... i am bored and lonely. the house is quiet. i like that.


rather waste some time with you