stay with me, this is what i need... please?

my eyes are tired and i wouldn't go as far as to say my heart is broken.. but is definitely tattered, and mangled with. as good as this year has been to me, i am very much sick of it and cant wait for the new year to roll in.

the only thing that i like about new years is the fact that it gives people a chance to "start fresh," but whether people actually do, is another topic in of itself. i dont necessarily need to start fresh, but i do need to get my shit together. My dreams recently have been haunted by school work, and future plans... i dont like to be an stressed wreck in my dreams as well.

i should probably list my resolutions. (sad to say, half of them will be repeats of years past... but whatevsss)

• lose weight, obviously
• eat healthier
  
• do crazy amazing in school
• dont skip classes
• print out lecture notes
• go to extra help, every week
• start studying from home
• stop biting my nails
• work on reducing stress and anxiety
• gain self-esteem and confidence
• stop getting jealous
  
• save my paychecks
• make time for those that matter
• start volunteering
• cut off anyone unnecessary
• become a hermit
• become anti-social
  
• be the EVE to someones WALL-E <3

i'll add more as i think of them.

thank you disney, i am in love with a robot now.

feets a hurtin

today's shift went by surprisingly really fast. i love working with Sorina.

i didnt do any laundry, or clean anything. Instead I hung out with my friend Paul. Played pool... well attempted to play... and had lunch at Kelseys. I saw Kevin Diaz in the kitchen. I ate a watermelon candy cane. Cute right.

new years. ugh.

go wild

currently rekindling my love for MTV2.

sitting in bed all day, watching mindless DICKHOUSE productions.
tomorrow is monday, and it will be dedicated to laundry, cleaning my room, and the bathroom, maybe organizing the living room if there is time.

grapefruit

anyway, i came home from work, tired as heck. feets are killing me... showered up, and am pretty much ready to go out to West50 with my main bitches. yes i said main bitches. I wanna get really waaaaaasted tonight, Ive been under too much stress these past few days... i really just need tonight. Whoadey. Thank god im not working tomorrow. If I dont have a hangover tomorrow morning, im gonna be pissed.

you know how i know you're gay?

Got the 40 Year Old Virgin & American Gangster DVDs for 10 dollars. Me and Ange ordered a shit load of wings, and are just mossin' around the house.

the stress comes in waves... i really don't know what to think or expect anymore. i am positively thinking, but whether or not that helps is a different story in itself. a few more ungodly days... and then things will be clearer, and from then on i can decide what else to do.

i saw the cutest baby at work today. so cute.

5 dollar shake

im starting to calm down, that's a good sign.
tobogganing is too gnarly. and totally exhausting.

now one of my fave scenes.

Ho Ho Ho

Happy Holidays Y'all!

btw: i love my family <3

i need to fuck you right now

just got in from shovelling snow. ugh. i fucking hate how all my neighbours are old, and my dad is too nice... meaning i shovel more than just one driveway. I know this is probably really bad to think... but i honestly cant wait till these people clock out, or until my dad gets some sense... so we dont have to spend over 2 hours lifting and pushing around snow. Ugh. when i grow up, i am only gonna be responsible for my own driveway thanks.

i logged onto livejournal to read one of my friends posts:
christmas present sex is the best sex
i fucking love this season

i just smiled, nodded, and continued surfing the web.

So tired. My mouth tastes gross, and i have 6 days.

an edit @ about 4ish pm

i am watching, never been kissed... and there are so many people in this movie.
"i never made it to my prom"
"really?"
"i only made it to the parking lot"

I am being haunted by memories. Your face in my head, kills me every time, your voice does 10 times more the damage. Fuck, i want you around all the time... but no, that would be too easy.

Oh Yeah, Merry Christmas Eve

you're so fucking sexy

just came home from my 1-9:30 shift at work.
- an old man waiting for his wife to finish trying on suits, cozied up to the counter to talk to me. We talked about bathing suits, and their ridiculous the prices are at work. He said that Wasaga Beach is a topless beach. We later determined that only a certain part of Wasaga Beach was bound to be a topless one. I later determined, i will go to that beach
- sorina and i are bipolar
- i spent a chunk of my shift today trying on bathing suits for myself.. I am getting 2 suits.
- grapefruit juice & chicken ceasar crepe & spinach and feta croissant
- i basically get paid for standing around
- i almost fell a bajillion times walking to my car
- the way i was parked, there was only snow on my windshield, plus sign
- home
- my dad is the best cook ever
- >10 minute gourmet meal
- i am exhausted

that shit gets me off

last nights shift at the village, basically killed me. i came home, and pretty much passed out at 11ish. my body was just all achy and exhausted, and basically melted into my bed as soon as it hit the mattress.

i changed the alarm on my blackberry to 9:50 am. I work today at 1, but am gna leave my house at like 12:15 or something, cuz parking at sherway is gonna be a bitch and a half... i wont be surprised if i dont find anything for 20 minutes. fucking shit.

my cousin made a comment, on how open our blogs are to the public. but whatever, theres no sense in compromising what you want to say. Anyway, I really want to throw down. After the major holidays i suppose.

i have an hour break today, i have no idea what im gonna do for it though. im gonna get a grapefruit juice, and just walk around the mall. maybe, sleep in the backroom.


this shit gets me off. How alanis morrisette of you.

"your hair smells like sex... and you're in my bed half naked"

i am on call today, and quite frankly, i really hope they dont call me in at all today. I am not in the mood to do anything to be quite honest. i wish i could just lay around in bed all day. i kind of wanna go tobogganing today, but my sister is probably too lazy. Ugh, and i dont wanna go by myself. Dilemma's much eh? as much as try and not admit i listen to drake.. the Lykke Li remix with Drake is kind of cute... and kind of on repeat right now. It seems as if everyone is just 'now' catching onto the Lykke Li bandwagon. It happens.

My hair is kind of long enough for it to be held in a pony tail. Woo exciting.

i keep forgetting to turn off my alarm on my blackberry. It goes off at 6:50 am. i probably will forget about it tonight too.

sometimes i just lay in my bed, and let random memories flow through my head. No memory is discriminated. although there are the times one slips in, and i desperately try and force it out. Then there are the ones that come through, and send my body into shock... those ones are the best, and the ones i cycle more often than thrice. it's crazy how a memory can make you feel the exact same way you felt when it first happened.

Drinks this week with the loves of my life.

im kind of scared. but kind of not. i am psyching myself out right now... and my body is reacting in response to that. i always give in, and make the same mistake. Ugh. A few more days.

a time for giving

x says: (12:20:12 AM)
best cd
x says: (12:20:14 AM)
best movie
x says: (12:20:15 AM)
best sex
x says: (12:20:18 AM)
best friend <3

too much

like always i have too many things to do, and limited amount of time to do them. i already have my gift shopping planned, but i need to get a couple more things, and then i'll be set. i need to get in touch with calvin, and i know he seldom reads this, but if he by some twist of fate he does read it... cal, msg me. i need to know if i can give you your gift tomorrow afternoon (or like monday morning), because i think the gift wont be of any use after the 26th.

anyway i have work at 2, but im gonna go a bit early so i can actually find parking, and go shopping too.

gaaaaah!!!

mussels vs muscles

i woke up this morning with the residue of alcohol in my mouth, and a slight ting of a headache.
this sunday i have to finish my christmas shopping.. well start and finish. it is retarded.
i love limes. it is so ugly outside, and the wind is getting fucking vile. Since my bedroom is in the little alleyway between two houses.. the wind is howling even worse.

i rearranged my room last night. there is so much more space now, and i feel a change in energy.

im hungry but my bed is too comfy, and i dont wanna move.

edit edit. point form recollection of the night

• exam <1>
• bus ride alone to LCBO
• two bottles of wine
• old man at the register... didnt ask for id. weird, i thought i looked 12
• crossed the street to wait for the bus
• the wait was less than 5 minutes.
• took the 1w home... it wasnt full
• the brown paper LCBO bags peeking through my purse, caused a few to people to turn their heads. apparently they think i am an alcoholic.
• walked home, up the hill, in the snow.
• uggs dont have much traction
• saw animal footprints in my backyard
• home
• got domestic and made bacon and eggs
• watched mean girls, mulan, 40 year old virgin and just lounged in my bed
• cleaned my room
• more online tv
• rest
• danceparty
• mom and sister come home
• fight
• shower
• head out
• my mom hit a curb, like a dumbass
• makeshift easy bake oven set ups
• mussels and butter, evolved to mussels limes and butter, evolved to mussels limes, salt, pepper and butter
• gift exchanges: killers tickets, sweaters, gift cards and britney spears cd. thanks so much boys, love you lots! xoxo gossip girl... kidding xoxo carla.
• reminder, do all xmas shopping sunday.
• talks about questionable oral sex performance
  
• one bottle of wine + a cooler + and a beer = a sleepy carla, not a hungover one
• sleeping, to waking up spooning with shawn, haha oh god.
  
• facebook status tag
• the dark
• home
• phone with sica
• superbad
• sleep
  

fin

mother fucking done.
me and strawberry wine, hells yeah baby.
see you in the new year

lol so more people from canada are catching onto this tecktonik thing... and i always feel the urge to mention that i've know about it from before... this is not gonna be one of those posts... since i am already fucking cool.

anyway i got my shift covered for tomorrow!!! woo to drinking at 11am :)

blue and yellow

i hate how i can't fight this feeling. how every time i try and do something, my mind wanders to a place it hates to be. my chest gets achy, and i find it harder to breathe. my chest fills up with anger and rage, and i need to take a few deep breaths and force the view from my mind. what bugs me the most, is why now, of all times do i care? i know better not to care, and i keep telling myself that... but i dont know if this is some physiological/mental/emotional response. I am being rational, and this still makes no sense. It's frustrating when i know that the only reason im feeling like this, is because i am taking words that were said to me, replaying them in my head, and creating up story lines... and its pathetic. Of all people, why me. this is embarrassing.

anyway... i am bored and lonely. the house is quiet. i like that.


rather waste some time with you

mafia hypothesis

ecology... check.

after my exam today, i came home and crashed. i watched the same office episode about 5 times, and slept through it each time, only to wake up and play it again. at about 230 i went out to lunch with my parents and sister, then came back home, to sleep. I am in no mood to start studying for molecular biology. at this point i really dont care... but the anxiety in my chest begs to differ. I dont mean to use this as an excuse or anything, but have a family thing to attend to tonight, and i think that should be given more priority than studying. I know i'll bring my notes with me, but i dont know if i will even get anything accomplished. probably not.

we're picking out kris kringles tonight, and will be doing some serious prayer for my lolo's fortieth day. i am still finding someone to take my shift on thursday, since the girl who said she would take my shift just realized that she was already working that day... what a fail. Ugh. i called in to see who else was working, and im working with my manager. Im thinking she's gonna try and train me how to close the cash, so that i can close alone. yeah yeah i am awesome i know. whatever im gna drink before and after my shift. i don't care. then pass out, and wake up, and sober up for my 2 oclock shift the next day. 2 more days, and then hell is over. wooooo : )

leaving on a 730 train, on my way to hollywood

i am itching for thursday to come. after my 8am-10am exam, i will bus myself to LCBO, buy a big bottle of wild vines, probably the strawberry kind and go either home or to calvins place and drink it. Fall asleep and then go to work (NTS try and get thursday shift covered). i really wanna get trashed/wasted/hammered... and just sleep in a big hoodie and yogies... nothing too crazy. Cal is having a little get together at his place for christmas.

i just sent some text messages, got my thursday shift covered! woo now i can focus on drinking my eyes out, and getting sober before my friday shift at 2.

woo wild vines. i probably wont eat, so it should be an interesting night.

i checked the hours of operation for LCBO, and they open at nine, sooo they will for sure be open when i am done my exam. Honestly, im gonna drink that whole bottle by myself and call it a night. maybe i'll get two bottles, one strawberry and one raspberry. just to switch it up a bit. you know? wild vines just reminds me of my birthday, where i basically drank a whole bottle, and felt really cute.



songs like this, just make me wanna get down.

EDIT: LCBO wild vines promo - you get chocolate if you buy it :)

caffeine free

Like are you kidding me right now? I dont know why i am upset and pissed the fuck off... and I just googled sex addiction. I am too much of a guy, sometimes i am sure... definite even, that i think of sex more than guys do. It's kind of retarded.

I just woke up in a pool of my own drool, from trying to sleep off a sensation... gnarly right.

my mind has been traveling to very dark places more often recently. It's kind of scary, but exhilarating. ive been wanting to do some fucked up impulsive and irrational things, but common sense and conscience kick in last minute. It's kind of freaky, kind of awesome.

NTS: hold back.

This entry is surprisingly open, ehh... what can you do : )

critical

i just had a serious anxiety spurt. my mind has been racing to and fro, and i am getting exhausted of thinking. i'm feeling really vulnerable, definitely short sticked. my emotions are all frazzled and shot.

you are not like that. i refuse to believe you are like that. if i ever find... you are like that... i will be heartbroken and probably beyond any repair.

self-destruct? sounds pretty good.

Rocked that SPSS assignment. Y'digg (ew)

QOTD: I am the modern king... a woman!

SPSS

the logic of social inquiry... check

chiral molecules

organic... done.

beat started

my room is so cold, i am in a journey tee and shorts. i slept with 4 additional people in my room last night. Im surprised i slept at all. My tita said, she thought i was dead, because i looked frozen when i slept. I told her, it usually happens when i sleep with other people. I dont like to bother other people sleeping, so i stiffen up, and stay in one spot. I woke up to marvin's cute face, and to my body hanging over the left side of my bed, my face in a puddle of drool, and a clip in my hair, trying to hold onto any hair it could. Still, surprisingly it was a peaceful sleep.

my cousins just left... now the house is silent. perfect. i'm doing problems until 2:30 and then will be taking a shower. then i will be off.

on the radio

Waiting for my parents to come home, from this black party.
They have yet to arrive. they should be here soon.

i dont have much to say.



love this song <3
2004 was... 4... pushing 5 years ago.
Aint that a trip.

just like a circus

So i woke up at 7:40 am because i forgot to ask my dad for his credit card... so i had a mini anxiety attack. But it's okay, cuz i can use my moms. Then from 8 am till now, i was trying to get my internet to get connected. Another anxiety episode. It's cool, cuz its connected now. Why all this trouble? Because at 10 am... i'm going to internet war. Web fighting for Britney Spears Tickets. These are honestly tickets of a fucking lifetime. I dont care what tickets i get, i just need tickets. Seriously. This is gonna be retarded.

i will just about die when i get tickets. pray for me.

OMG OMG OMG I GOT BRITNEY SPEARS TICKETS... AHHH SET FOR LIFE




my new ringtone.

recession

i am finally feeling normal. actually, i have been feeling normal for a few days now. its a good feeling. due to current events that have transpired, i will be inactive for a while, just so i can catch up on school work, and focus on being awesome. its a hard job i can assure you.

i'm currently sitting on the fourth floor, and literally there is a guy sleeping face down on the floor in front of me. im not surprised. He probably had a long night. i on the other hand, passed out at a bit passed midnight, and slept for a good 8 or so hours. Andrea came into my room at about 7 i assume, to grab something, what it was? i wasnt too sure. I didnt check.

my room was so cold last night, i had to grab extra sheets from the linen closet. It helped. it's kind of gloomy outside, i like it like that. The parking lot is full as hell, a parallel to how busy this fucking library is. Ree-dick.

the guy sleeping on the floor just woke up. it was pretty epic. i am in need of a urination break, but i dont want to get up and walk the less than a minute walk to the washroom. dilemma much. im kind of hungry and want to go home.