its not over

i removed the song off my blog, 'cuz i thinks its too distracting. i like just coming to my blog, and reading it in silence... and not having to hear the blaring electro music i like.

i feel weak. i feel like im losing it, and the only way to compensate is to do something drastic. i hate getting into the modes where i'm so driven to do something, almost to the point where i am jaded beyond any type of reason. as soon as the mirage starts to fade, i am left hollow and empty. this low is worse than a hangover... its like a lull almost. right now, i am so not in touch with myself its scary. i want too many things. im so greedy.

im in need of hugs, and tea.

if i were to die, say tomorrow, i wouldnt want to be in anyones profile pictures with ugly ass print at the bottom, saying shit like... "god just gained an angel" or something lame like that. i find it so tacky. i like simple things. no dedication. just the smallest of things that let me know i was loved. maybe a person will keep one of my fave songs on repeat. or they smile when they see something that reminds me of them. that kind of stuff i would live for. if i were in someones profile picture, it would be one where i was making a silly face, or just look totally out of it.

i kind of wish i would die soon, not being suicidal or anything, just saying cuz living isnt doing it right now. plus itd be sick to be a ghost and creep on people right? lol